Consider Adoption
November is National Adoption Month. I love to have the chance to do my part to raise awareness about adoption and the kids who wait for homes everywhere. Sometimes, I think the word "awareness" is a funny term: haven't people heard of adoption? It's been going on for centuries. But I also feel that sometimes people may look at our family or others and think about it, but not truly know if it is possible for themselves or someone else that they may know.
We are a conspicuous family. It's pretty obvious that, when Russ and I head out somewhere with the boys that they are adopted. I do get a lot of people that ask me about it; the process, is it worth it, or just sometimes the odd statement thrown out there. Responses for our family range from the nicely curious--("is this something you've always wanted to do?") to the rude ("oh...you can't have a baby?"). Entering into a conversation with anyone who is semi-serious about the whole thing often leads to discussions about each of our choices about how to build a family, which I love. But I also often hear from people who say things like, "I've always wanted to adopt, but...we could never afford that, or I don't know if I could love him or her as much as my other children, or my husband isn't on board, etc." This is fine. In fact, it's good, because the whole thing is not something to enter into lightly. But for anyone on the fence, or who is almost there, or just who has something in their heart that won't let go of the idea, I want to share a few things.
It used to be that adoption was a second choice--it is often still treated that way, but there has been something of a movement to change this. Many couples who wanted to be parents chose adoption because they could not have a biological child. Adoptions were often secret, with parents raising a child and never telling her the truth until she was an adult. Even our own first adoption started because we were infertile, although we could have done much more to have a biological child. I always wanted to adopt, but I'm afraid if I had a baby in the beginning that I would never have adopted my children because I was too busy or whatever else happens.
But we did adopt, and in so doing, changed our minds and our lives about what we want. When the time came for our next child, we did not even consider entering into infertility treatments. We adopted. That seems to also be the trend among a lot of people who are changing the face of the whole process as well. Even for people who can have a biological child, I've met many who choose to adopt because it is about the child and providing him a place to have a family, too. Loving him as your child may not be there instantly (although in some cases, it is), but just as any other relationship grows, so does your love for this child. I don't know if it is the same as a biological child--not having any of those, I'm the last to speak about that--but I can say that life becomes unimaginable without this child. I'm pretty sure most parents would say the same about their own biological child.
The transformation is amazing as well. What I felt from several initial photos to what I see now all the time is a wonderful process of growth and change. I see children who once didn't have a home that are now very much at home in their new family.
From this:
To this:
And this:
To this:
For those who wonder if they could afford the whole thing, it is a touchy subject. No one wants to ask about money (well, some people don't care), but the truth is, it does cost. It costs to pay for an agency or attorney to facilitate the whole thing; for documents to be notarized or sometimes translated; and in many cases, for travel, whether to another city or another country. It costs time and energy and requires emotional stamina when you don't have an answer about how much longer it all takes.
Cost is involved. But so is help. I didn't know this when we started, but I have learned a bit over the past 4 years about some of the resources that are available out there. For instance, many employers offer some financial assistance and the same family leave and benefits as a birth child. There are also places such as the National Adoption Foundation which offer help in the form of grants and no-interest loans as well as Show Hope, which offers ideas for fundraising. Google "adoption grants" and see what happens.
Last night, I was reading the latest news about the Duggars, the TLC family of 19 Kids and Counting! Apparently, the oldest child, Josh, is married and has one child. He and his wife are announcing her next pregnancy and she is due next summer. What was interesting about the whole thing was the sheer volume of comments that people posted about the situation: over 500. I didn't read them all, but I scanned through a bunch of opinions that ranged from supportive ("congratulations! what a wonderful family!") to the just plain mean ("insane! breeders!" etc). It made me sad to think that people give up so much time and energy to criticize people they don't know. On the other hand, I thought "19 kids? You could have adopted half of them instead and still had your big family and you might have made a small dent in the huge number of orphans who only wish they could have such a home."
There are 143 million orphans throughout the world. If you even think about it at all, even consider it in the smallest way, it might be worth considering or looking into even more. Maybe the time is right and maybe not, but I promise if you go forward, it will change your life. And a child's.
"Do not be afraid, for I am with you;
I will bring your children from the East and gather you from the West.
I will say to the North "give them up!" and to the South "do not hold them back!"
Bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the ends of the earth...."
---Isaiah 43: 5-6
