Yesssss!

I used to be pretty good at filling everyone in of what's been going on. But then, a few months ago, there was more to say. We had milestones and we made progress. The past couple of months have been mostly just waiting with not much new to report.
Until....
this week!
We received our travel approval this week! We are going! And, we're going soon! Suddenly, I don't feel ready. How can that be? Haven't I had more than enough time to prepare for this? It's true that things have been coming together, but it still feels like some things are still....out there. Unfinished. Incomplete. And they probably will never get done until absolutely necessary. I will still be reading parenting books on the plane ride over.
Here's what I think I'm mostly nervous about: he's a toddler. I can't escape some of the irony of the fact that I've spent 8 years working as a nurse for newborns, and yet I'm not getting one. I'm getting someone who is beyond my stage of understanding. I mean, I'm not totally clueless, but what exactly do toddlers do? I babysat my niece last week, who is a year older than Caleb, and it wasn't too bad. We put together the same puzzle 3 times. She helped me feed Owen, and then, when those first 12 minutes were over, we went to Home Depot because I didn't know what else to do. We spent a great deal of time checking out the carpet samples there and opening and closing every single drawer in the kitchen cabinet department seemed very entertaining. Is this my future?
It's going to be OK. As much as I have nerves, I also have a ton of excitement. And, of course, love for my little guy who I haven't even met yet. Life is seriously going to change. So what?


P.S. When I said we were leaving soon, I meant to say March 12th. As in, like, 12 days from today. I think I forgot to mention that part.

The wait goes on...

Guest author: Russ
I am not much of a writer, so I'll make it brief.
The long winter continues.
We are still awaiting final travel approval from China.
The wait is getting tougher. The anticipation grows.

Below are lyrics to a song by Chris Rice that reflects our hearts right now.

Cause I just wanna be with You
I just want this waiting to be over
I just want to be with You
And it helps to know the Day is getting closer

Every minute takes an hour
Every inch feels like a mile
Til I won't have to imagine
And I finally get to see You smile

The most depressing day of the year?

Ok, so here's what I was not doing this past weekend, but it's still a nice picture to look at anyway. A year ago, we were in Mexico, staying in a suite with a view of the beach, we had a hammock on our balcony, and these were my feet. It was January, it was in the 80's, and it was pre-adoption. Coming up on February 2nd is our one year mark of this journey, but it all seems to have gone pretty fast.
Instead of being in Mexico today, I am at home. It is 12 degrees outside with a light snow. Russ and I spent Saturday night at the Leid Lodge in picturesque, small-town, Nebraska (it was my new thing for the week). It was lovely: a lot of timber and fireplaces, that whole log cabin feel. Being January, it was very cold outside with a lot of snow on the ground. Over dinner, I sort of pretended that we were some place much further away instead of 45 minutes from home. Hey, it isn't Mexico, but I had to be somewhere, I guess. I think we just needed a little time away to do something different, but to also escape the everyday realities around here. Maybe everyone needs that from time to time. Today I went to a meeting at work (my old job, not the new one) and was asked no less than 5 times about our adoption process, all within a span of only a few minutes. On my own, I can deal with being childless and trying to process an international adoption that feels like it is taking 100 years. It's just when I am bombarded with questions about it and the answer is always the same that it starts to bug me. The bright outlook that I started the day with is lessened somehow. I know. I shouldn't let it get to me. And people are only asking because they care. I simply want, one of these days, to have a different answer. I want the answer to be that, yes, I do know something! Am I harping on this? I do know that I have some friends that have heard me speak of this enough. They now approach me tentatively, with a pained look on their face, almost a grimace, perhaps. Then, they slowly come out with "is it OK if I ask....?" I know they do not want to offend. I don't think there are many people who do. It's just hard sometimes, that's all.
P.S. This is a downer post! Maybe, it should just be disregarded after reading, or maybe it fits: I heard on the news that today was considered by researchers to be The Most Depressing Day of the Year. Well, tomorrow is a new day....

Trying something new

These days, I'm quite aware of the post-holiday letdown. January probably isn't anyone's favorite month, really. By the time January 10th has rolled around, we are all well into the cold days and gray skies. Our Christmas decorations are down and I've already lost track of what my New Year's resolutions were. The beginning of this new year has promised to be a little difficult for us. I'm not complaining, just stating that it's hard to know what and how long we are waiting anymore. Today's count since DTC: 62 days. Not too bad.
This week has actually gone quite fast with some new and interesting things happening. I believe it is actually a good start to 2008. After I recovered from my New Year's Day flu (literally, the flu, not a hangover as it may sound), I did try to get some new ideas into my head. I have decided that, in 2008, I would like to start trying new things. This isn't a New Year's resolution, it's more like re-shaping my way of thinking. I really would like to start trying new things that might be challenging, fun, or even scary. The point is that it is new. And I'm going to try at least one new thing/activity every week. Do I sound idealistic? I don't care. I may drop this whole idea by mid-February, but for now, it's kind of fun to come up with new ideas. They don't even have to be big, just something to illicit that sense of newness instead of the feeling of same-old. I'm not sure what each week will bring, but I envision some future plans that could include skydiving and maybe Tae Kwon Do lessons?
Last week, we started off in a simple way. Instead of our usual dinner fare, Russ and I, along with my sister, travelled to small-town Nebraska to visit a steakhouse. Small towns can have some of the best food/atmosphere at times and we usually don't even recognize it. Actually, the place we visited really wasn't up there with being the best food or atmosphere, but it wasn't too bad. The food was great and the steaks were huge. And, my sister and I were both picturing the stare-down from the town's old farmers and residents who were lined up at the bar when we walked in the door. Yet, no such thing happened. It was just a nice time and a small road trip.
Monday, when I arrived home from school, there was a large box sitting in my living room. It was a Christmas gift that had come in the mail from my friend Kris! The thought is great in itself, but what was inside was even better. A Mr. Beer brewery kit! I'm so excited to even try, as I've always wondered about how to make beer or wine. Well, now I will be able to try, and that will be my new thing for the week (or longer, depending on the length of fermentation.)
So, we're off to a good start of the year. If anyone has any good ideas that I can pencil in as a future week's activity, feel free to let me know (note that Russ, my web-designer, has added our emails to the site). While we await paperwork, phone calls, or any news of our Caleb Wu, we'll do the best we can with the time we have now.

A Month in a Nutshell

It's been so busy this past month that I haven't had time to write anything. There isn't anything new to post on the adoption front because it's been the same story: we wait. We've had so much to do lately. I wouldn't say we haven't noticed that Caleb isn't here, but it all sure has made the wait go by more quickly. So, here is our last month in pictures:


The first part of December, we took our pickup truck to a local Christmas tree farm. It's an annual event, although the location of where the tree comes from usually changes every year. The weather of the day also pretty much changes every year, and this year it was sleet. It wasn't too bad, though. We got it home, set it up, and had it decorated by evening. Owen found it all very interesting.

We got a lot of snow this month, too. Pretty much every Saturday in the month of December brought a new layer. I had to take this picture of our driveway on one of the big days.

We managed to send a package to Wu, but I don't think it arrived in time for Christmas. Among the gifts we sent were a stuffed beagle and a onesie pictured here. We also sent candy for his caregivers, pictures of ourselves, our family, and Owen; toy cars; some clothes; and couple of disposable cameras. There is a small company that will send care packages to children in China who are awaiting families. Since we do not know the exact address of where Caleb Wu is, we can send it through this company who will get it to his foster family. We included in the package a letter requesting the family take some pictures of him with the disposable cameras so we can have them when we come to get him. And, the photo album we sent all had (translated) captions of each person, so hopefully he will at least see what his parents are going to look like.


Russ and I participated in a live nativity in front of our church for a couple of days before Christmas. One day, we were Joseph and Mary. It actually was a neat thing because, instead of camels and Magi and shepherds around us, we had every day people standing there (a Chrismas shopper, a single mom with kids, a homeless person, a student, etc). There is a lot of traffic during the 5 o'clock hour in front of our church. The goal was for people to see themselves somewhere in the mix of people looking at the Christ child, or maybe wonder where there would fit into it. It was kind of cool.

Our family threw a toddler shower for us and we received a lot of toys and clothes for Caleb Wu. It is now sitting here waiting for him, to be worn and played with.

And, we've been celebrating Christmas for the past two days. One of our favorite gifts was for Caleb that my brother-in-law made for us. This little shirt that says Made in China. We did receive so many nice things and it was a great couple of days. We are thankful for the blessings of family at Christmas and the hope of a new family for ourselves one day, too.
Merry Christmas!

Are we there yet?

Why is it that we seem to spend all of our lives trying to be somewhere else? Why be in such a huge rush to get to the next destination? I am so guilty of this. I always want to be ahead of where I am instead of enjoying the process. I am asked, frequently, about what I know or what news we have of Wu. At this point, the answer is, I don't know. And that will be the answer for a long time to come. And some days, it's OK, other days, not at all. I had been really looking forward to the holiday season because, typically, it passes very quickly because of busyness. But really, Thanksgiving was hard. The food was great, and it was a nice day, but something was missing. It was our boy. He was not there. And it hit me very hard that day.
But here's a question: instead of focusing only on what is missing, am I really just enjoying what time I have left before I become a parent? I'm free to sleep in or go to bed as late as I want with only my own consequences. I can go out, see movies, and watch whatever I want on TV (when Russ isn't around) instead of having to find a sitter, go to only G movies, or spend all my time watching The Wiggles. And, it's not every day, or year, or whatever, that I find myself planning an upcoming trip to China. It's pretty cool to think about.
I'm saying this because some days are really hard. Many people are so supportive, but they all want answers. Hey, I do, too, but I don't have any. We've been DTC since November 8th. I'm not anticipating hearing anything soon, and that's OK. One day, the mail will come and the answer will be there. We'll just be asking "are we there yet?" many more times in the mean time.
So, here's to enjoying the ride while we wait. We've been pretty busy with other stuff (hence the lack of a blog entry for about 3 weeks). Our Thanksgiving was pretty good and we are still finishing leftovers. My dog has recovered from a recent bout of kennel cough which had him on antibiotics and cough suppressants for 10 days. Our nursery is painted and the crib is here, although it has not been set up.
This weekend, depending on the weather, we will probably get our Christmas tree and try to put up some decorations. I think maybe we should have done some of this when it was 55 degrees instead of 33 and snowing like it is forecasted for Saturday. Maybe it will just mean building a fire, drinking eggnog, and breaking out my John Denver and the Muppets Christmas CD. I think that's a pretty good way to spend my time, too.

DTC!!

I just came back from an appointment with a physical therapist. Actually, it was my last. Six weeks ago, I started going because of back pain that had been reoccurring. I was told it was a combination of my poor posture (which I knew) and stress (which I was in denial of). So, after several weeks of remembering to sit up straight and do my prescribed exercises, I'm feeling a lot better. Then, today when I was leaving, I also realized something else: I'm not as stressed. Six weeks ago, I was struggling through this new job and our adoption paperwork seemed at a stand still. But some of that has changed. For instance, I'm accepting my new job a little more. I'm getting used to it. Sometimes, people at work will talk to me now. I think it helped because I gave flu shots to the staff. You would think that using a needle on 40 people that I work with would make them like me less. But it actually gave me a chance to meet some new people and for them to meet me. "Hi. I'm the new nurse here. My name is Meg. And here is a poke in your arm." Or something like that. Overall, I have cut back on several hours of work per week. I always thought I would work full time until I had kids and then work less. But I'm finding that it's actually OK to work less anyway. It's that whole stress thing, I guess.
Another cause for excitement is that we finally sent our paperwork to China! It is on it's way as we speak! This is the point where we would say we are "DTC" which stands for "Dossier to China". There were quite a few days where we didn't think it would happen. On Monday morning, Russ called our agency to verify that everything was ready to go, because we knew they would be sending the next batch of dossiers this week. We knew our paperwork had been certified, authenticated, and was sitting at the agency being reviewed. Our fees were paid. Our homestudy was done and we had completed the educational aspect. Instead of finding out that everything was ready to be sent, we were told that, no, we were still missing some documents. How could this be?! I thought we had sent them every last copy of anything we could possibly have. I was beginning to wonder if they wouldn't also want a copy of my 5th grade science award certificate and a urine sample. No, they actually were missing "supportive documentation from our homestudy". In other words, the agency who did our homestudy sent them a copy of the write up and nothing else. We had two days to gather everything. Russ took Tuesday off work, and by that evening, everything was being Fedex'd overnight to our Texas agency. Finally, we received word from the agency that our paperwork was on it's way to China with everyone else's. Thank you, God.
I know everyone has a different opinion about this whole thing. For some, they complain about how long it is taking, and I know it is long. For others, they are wowed by how fast it is all going, and I can see that as well. The truth is, some days, it feels like forever. And others, I'm very grateful that it is so much shorter that our original thought. And every day, I'm thankful that we keep going and there is a little guy on the other side of the world waiting for us and we'll be meeting him soon.

Closer yet

It's four o'clock in the afternoon and my dog is sitting expectantly in front of the door. It's still a little bit early, but soon we will start getting our trick-or-treaters, and then he'll have some fun. Actually, this is his first Halloween, so I don't think he really knows what's coming tonight. He's going to be so excited to see everyone come to the door. Sometimes, I think I sound like a parent when I talk about my dog. He's the only child that I really have at this point in time, although, our paperwork for Caleb is coming along. Last week, we took all of our documents that we have been gathering for the last seven months and went to the office of the Secretary of State at the capitol building. Here's a side note: has anyone been to the capitol building recently, or at least since the 3rd grade? It's amazingly spooky and dark in there. The halls are very dim and everything echoes. All the doors are closed and, from the outside, look like any number of entrances to some other realm beyond. And then, you open a door and it is totally different on the inside: big and bright, cheery, even. Anyway, I went to the office of the Secretary of State and had all of our documents certified. They were then sent to Washington DC to the Chinese consulate to be authenticated. I took them to our local Fedex drop-off point and, let me tell you, it was difficult to see our envelope of all of our work over the past several months, now certified, being placed on a pile of other packages that were being sent, too. I watched the man put it there, and then I had to leave them at the store. All of our work. I was so worried, after everything we'd done! I never imagined I would be so nervous about it. But, it arrived in DC and was supposed to be completed and sent on to our agency today. Hopefully, it will all be mailed out November 9th, and then we can get started waiting for the next thing. Eventually, the next thing will actually be going to China, but unfortunately we are not there just yet. But, we're closer.....

What's happening?

I've had quite a few people approach me with this same question: "so...have you heard anything about your adoption yet?" I know that it is very well meaning, and people are excited, and I truly appreciate that. Most of the time, though, I have to answer, "Nope! Not yet!" with a smile on my face, like it isn't bothering me at all. I tend to tell people that we are still "just waiting" as if absolutely nothing is happening with it. The truth is, there is plenty happening, it just isn't in the form of new video footage, updates, and pictures that everyone expects.
First of all, we bought a crib. We've been looking for cribs and attempting to educate ourselves in this area. You would think that being a pediatric/nursery nurse for almost 8 years might have given me a clue, but it isn't true, so some research has been involved. Also, not knowing exactly how old Caleb will be when he comes home makes things a little more tricky. Will he be sleeping in a crib? Will he be ready to move to a toddler bed within a month of arrival? And who knows...if this whole thing keeps going, he could be a 5 year old by the time he finally gets here. We decided to go with a 3-in-1 crib: it's a crib, or it's a toddler bed, or it's a full size bed, all in one. After all of the looking, pricing, and negotiating, believe me when I tell you that he will have this bed for life. It's not just a crib, it's an investment. I expect Caleb to sleep in this bed the entire time that he lives under our roof, take a short break from it when he goes off to college, and then come back for it to move it into his first apartment. That's how long this bed is going to be around. And, we really do like it, too, so that's a good thing.
I've posted a picture of the model that we bought.


Another major thing that has happened is that we have officially heard back from China about our initial set of paperwork. This is our pre-approval (PA), which came 2 weeks ago. It is the go-ahead for the sending of our dossier. It is a very exciting step for us! As of this writing, we are very much hoping to send our dossier soon. We actually would have sent it already if we could have, but there has been some delays with paperwork. Apparently, some pertinent information had not been turned in when we completed our homestudy in May. So, we have been really trying to work with our agencies about getting all of the necessary stuff completed. At the risk of sounding negative, let me just say that it has been so time consuming/complicated/fist-clenchingly frustrating that it may have been easier to just redo the whole thing. I haven't wanted to go into all of the details in order to try and stay positive about the whole thing, but I can say that it is finally done (I think).

So, I really can say that stuff has been happening. I know it isn't the most exciting information, but it is part of the process. A pregnancy certainly cannot be so exciting every day either, so I don't feel bad at all. And as far as my complaints about the paperwork process go, I still wouldn't trade it for weight gain, morning sickness, backaches, etc., any day.

Happy Anniversary!

Three years ago today, I said "I do" to the man of my dreams. A house, a pending adoption, and a beagle later...we're still around. Russ and I actually got engaged on a trip to Boston, at a restaurant called Five North Square. Our engagement period was six months long, and the last three were some of the most stressful to me ever. Not because of wedding planning or anything. It was more things like: moving, cockroaches, a broken wrist, surgery, another surgery, a car accident, etc. I actually recall breaking down into tears once after a Sunday school class when someone casually asked me how I was. Little did they know!
Our wedding day was wonderful. It was a very happy time for us. We took our honeymoon in Banff, Canada, and it's been happily ever after ever since. Sometimes, when I feel like this whole adoption thing is going to be the end of my sanity, I think back to another time when I was so stressed--a little more than three years ago. But after our wedding day, all of the troubles of the engagement period were forgotten. And so I'm hoping it will be the same with this. Here's to adding on to our family...and forgetting all the stress and junk to get there.
Happy Anniversary!