I'll be the first to admit that I have been terrible with blogging lately. And I'm not going to make a bunch of excuses that there's been a lot going on, etc.,etc.,....but it's true. This has been one busy summer. Now that school has started and things are heading into fall, I'm looking forward to the change in routine. And, the cooler weather. Hooray! I know horrible weather/disasters/adverse events were all happening everywhere this summer, but jeez. We have needed a break from the heat and I think it is here.

I won't go into everything we did this summer, partly because it would be just plain long and probably not that interesting to anyone else. So, I'll just put a few pictures in here to sort of show what we've been up to this summer, now that it is so close to being over.

Happy fall to all!

Good buddies, Caleb and Owen

Asher tries to be just like his big brother

Our Asher is growing more every day...

Caleb turned 4 at the end of August

Back to school!

Mouth Stuff

Summer is closing in on being half over, but it has been pretty good so far. Today, I'm taking a moment to update before sending Caleb to summer school this morning. He has been going this week as an extension of some of the speech stuff he does throughout the school year. He will then have another month off before starting back in his regular program for the fall.

The boys both had surgery on June 22 and we have been so grateful to be with this new cleft team. I think they did a fantastic job and the care they show for Caleb and Asher is obvious. We went into the hospital early on Tuesday and Caleb went first for his surgery. He did really well. I may have mentioned this before, but he had a fistula open in the roof of his mouth after his initial cleft repair 2 years ago. So, his surgery was to close the fistula, hopefully improving some of his speech. I saw the roofof his mouth the day we went home from the hospital and it looked awesome!! Asher's surgery was second, and he also did a great job. His palate was still open since birth, so his surgery was to repair the defect. We were in the hospital overnight for one night and then went home the next evening. For several days, everything was great, although Asher totally did not like his arm restraints at all. He really let us know it, too!

After about 5 days of being home, Caleb got sick. After breakfast one morning, he began vomiting blood, so I called the surgeon and he met us in the ER. When we first arrived, Caleb seemed fine again, but I wasn't convinced. I know what I saw at home was not normal and I was so nervous that we would be sent home after observation. But then, he was getting sick again and vomiting a lot of blood. The color drained from his face before our eyes. Even the ER staff seemed nervous, like, uh, that's a lot of blood coming from that 3 year old. It seemed hard to believe that it could just be from his palate repair, there was so much. They whisked him back to surgery so fast. He was very upset and I was allowed to carry him to the farthest point before they took him away into the OR. He was crying. It was so difficult to let himgo!

Fortunately, things were fixed up. He lost a lot of blood but avoided a transfusion. His palate repair was bleeding in the top portion--in his nose. The blood was running down the back of this throat, so we didn't see it right away until it made him sick. He went home the next day, sunny as ever, like it didn't even happen. I love that about him!

We've spent the last 2 weeks recovering here at home and yesterday we went back to see the doctor for follow-up. The good news: Asher's repair looks wonderful. It is closed completely and he is trying to talk more all the time. He is in speech and making progress with some words. Both boys are on soft diets (an improvement from the liquids they've had for the last 2 1/2 weeks) for one more week and then they can eat normally again. They no longer have to wear their arm restraints (yay!). So, these are all good things.

The bad news: Caleb has a fistula that opened again after surgery. It is almost as big as the one that was there previously. Sigh. The doctor believes it is due to his mouth structure, and surgically closing it won't work until they do some other work first. So, he gets a month off and then gets an appliance placed that will stretch his upper jaw, hopefully after that he can get a prosthesis for theroof of his mouth.

So, it's a lot of stuff, but that's part of the deal. We rejoice in his successes as he continues trying new words. We also feel so blessed for all of the help and support that we've have received: hope and prayers for those who want to see our boys succeed.

Summer

How is it possible that we have been home 3 months? Where has this time gone? I don't know. I guess "busy" is an understatement, but most people with small children can say that. This has been quite the time of adjustment for us and I have been more than a little overwhelmed at times with doctor's appointments, attachment issues, and behavioral stuff. It's all so weird anymore that many times I have this surreal moment in time and think, how did I get here? Just tonight, Russ and I were in the kitchen with two kids that were having a contest to see who could scream louder. We looked at each other and I said, "remember 1997?" In 1997, I knew Russ, but we had not an inkling that someday, in 2010, we would be not only married to each other, but sitting in our kitchen with our two Chinese screaming little wonders. 1997 was a good year. Things were so much easier back then.....

Asher has been progressing, however slowly it may be. We have seen a tremendous difference between his abilities and overall development than what Caleb was doing at the same age. It is impossible not to compare the two. Asher, being in an orphanage, was terribly understimulated for the first 17 months of his life. For weeks after we met him in China, he screamed and cried over nothing and over everything. It hasn't been easy, I'll be honest. He had ear tube placement surgery in April and he has done much better. We are at the point where he is really so so much happier. He has this adorable smile that I saw in a picture once in January. In China and for a long time afterward, Russ and I, in our sleep-deprived/somewhat-not-clearly-thinking states often wondered if we had been given the wrong picture. Or maybe the wrong child! Turns out, it really is him. He's getting more teeth, and he is so much more interactive. We have been working with early intervention and even his words are coming along. He still babbles a lot but he imitates so many sounds and actions. He loves cars and trucks and he and Caleb have this chasing game going on frequently that I don't quite understand, but they have fun. So, it's a lot better and it continues to be so all the time. 

Caleb, too, had a rough time coming home. He decided that he did not want a brother. The excitement wore off after about 5 minutes and then we proceeded to deal with some really bad tantrums and other patience-inducing behaviors. I'll share this story of an early event that occurred coming home:

Caleb has been out of diapers for a year, but it can be expected that with a new sibling, some amounts of stress happen and kids regress. We tried to expect this, and Caleb delivered. He began wetting his pants again beginning even in China. On the day that we came home, we had a super long day. Our flight from Hong Kong to Newark was 15 hours and then we had a seven hour layover there before flying into Omaha. When we landed in Newark, we were met by some good friends, Lee and Lois and their daughter Larisa, who live in the area and who we haven't seen in years. So, we spent some time with them at this little cafe in the airport during our layover. The boys were even being good, considering the long flight we had just finished. They were drinking apple juice and we were happily visiting with our friends. Pretty soon, Lee and Lois had to go home, so we packed up our area and started to head toward our terminal for the next flight. As we were picking up our bags, I was annoyed because I realized that someone had spilled apple juice all over the floor. Some of it was even on my bag and I tried to wipe it off. I picked up my bag and some of it was getting on my shirt as well. I was trying to round everything up and get our children together when I realized that Caleb was walking funny. It was then that I realized that he had wet his pants. I then had the slow, dawning realization that it was not apple juice on the floor, or my bag, or my shirt! 

Because of so many little things, I have had trouble keeping up at times and the blogging has suffered. But hopefully, things will continue to get better. We have been having a great summer so far and we have much to look forward to. My brother got married last weekend and Caleb was the ring bearer. He did a great job and took his title pretty seriously. I loved seeing him in his little tuxedo--a replica of my brother's. We had lots of family come from out of state for the event and I so enjoyed seeing everyone and catching up with cousins, aunts, uncles, and longtime friends. It was great!!

Coming up on June 22nd, both boys are having surgery. We recently took them to see a different craniofacial team, one that is closer than the hospital where Caleb had surgery two years ago. We have also been somewhat frustrated with the first hospital because Caleb has had ongoing speech issues that I feel like they haven't been addressing. It's a long story, but I met a woman who was part of our local cleft team and we were able to get an appointment with them. It is thought that maybe part of Caleb's speech stuff has been related to the fact that he still has a large fistula (hole) in the roof of his mouth that opened up two years ago where he had his original cleft palate repair. The fistula is big enough that closing it (essentially having another half cleft palate surgery) may help with some of his sounds. Also, his upper lip has a very tight muscle and he can barely move it or show his upper teeth at all. Brushing his teeth every day is quite the project. So, he will have some work done on that lip as well to hopefully loosen it. 

Asher still needs his palate repaired, so he will have his done on the 22nd as well. The same doctor is doing both surgeries and they will be back to back that morning. I think we'll be in the hospital 2 or 3 days. So, I'm trying to be a brave soul here and just get it over with. Once we get through all of the hospital stuff, it should be fine. Then, hopefully we can just enjoy the rest of our summer......

Home Again

Ok, so when I last posted, I merely suggested that we might have trouble posting some things from China. We did have some issues last time with uploading things. This time when we left, I was unaware that Blogger is now blocked in country, a situation that I discovered the day we arrived. And so, for the next 3 weeks I had been unable to post a thing.

No matter, we are home now! We got in last night, very late after a long day and a half of flying. The flight from Hong Kong to Newark alone was 15 hours. But we made it! I'm so glad to be home and I'm happy to stop living out of suitcases and to get back into a new routine for Asher--I think he needs it. Well, we all do. It was a long trip. Not just in number of days, but in activities and, I think, stress level. I thought it would be only twice as hard to travel with 2 children as our last visit, but I think it was instead exponentially harder. Aside from several difficulties, we did have a good time, and of course, came home with a treasure.

We flew to Beijing for the first few days. Even though Asher is not from the Beijing area and we have been to that city, our agency required us to be there for an orientation, which was very helpful. We even stayed  in the same hotel--a plus because the area around it is full of shopping and many sights and they have a fabulous western breakfast in the mornings. We arrived after about a day and a half of travel, and the jet lag is difficult. I think this could sum it up:

Caleb actually had a fever for the first 2 days in China, so he received plenty of Tylenol to keep him going. I really like Beijing and I think it's a very interesting place. We had wonderful guides that showed us around. Some of the sights we had seen before and some were new to us. We visited the Great Wall and climbed as high as we could without breaking down into exhaustion. Just kidding, it is tiring, though. The steps are uneven and there are many places where it is quite steep. There are several places to visit portions of the wall and climb on it, since it stretches thousands of miles. The area that we visited is about 1/2 hour drive from Beijing, but the wall itself extends all the way to Gansu province, where Caleb is from (picture roughly New York to South Dakota). We had a good time climbing, and several adoptive families from our agency went on the trip.

While in Beijing, we also visited the Forbidden City and Tiananmen Square. Even though we had tried to prepare for the weather by checking the forecast, it was all much colder than we were anticipating. It even snowed our second night, so much of these tours were in the cold. While passing through many places, tourists are often hounded by street vendors who sell just about everything under the sun. Our agency warns us not to buy things from them, as they are usually cheaply made and it encourages pestering by other vendors. My sister Martha, who had come with us on the trip was really in need of a watch or some sort of timepiece, as she had forgotten to bring anything from home. She ended up buying a cheap watch from a guy selling them in the Square. The background was of a waving Chairman Mao. So, these will now be my memories of Tiananmen Square: cheap watches and freezing weather.

We did have opportunities to spend time with several other families also traveling to meet their child who are adopting from our agency. There were eight families from our group in Beijing, all from different parts of the country and all adopting children of various ages. Two years ago, when we were in China for Caleb, we travelled much of the time with 3 other families. Amazingly, one of those families from 2 years ago are adopting again through our agency (a different one than we used for Caleb) and travelled this time again as well! Really, what are the odds of that? They brought their daughter, who was in the same orphanage as Caleb, so it was really neat to see the two kids together and to catch up with them and what they've been up to in the last couple of years. We really enjoyed the time that we spent in Beijing.

The Forbidden City

Tiananmen Square

After going through an orientation about what to expect in Asher's province, eating fabulous food, buying a few souvenirs, etc, we left on a plane to fly south to Guangdong province--the area where Asher was living. The capital of the province is a city called Guangzhou, and is where we were going to stay for the remainder of our trip. All families adopting from China eventually go to Guangzhou, because that is where the American consulate is located. Most families visit a different province first, depending on where their child is from. For example, Caleb was from Gansu province, so we stayed there for a week two years ago before heading to Guangzhou and the consulate. Asher is from the Guangzhou area, so that is why we were there the whole time.

The area of the city where we stayed was a place called Shamian Island, a small area of the city surrounded by the Pearl River. The area was under British and French possession until the 1950s or so, and many of the buildings have a colonial appearance. It also just has more of a western feel to it, a little more removed from standard China. There is even a Starbucks, which I visited daily. I'm not even a huge Starbucks fan, but the coffee at our hotel was impossibly strong. 

We flew in to Guangzhou on a Sunday and prepared to meet Asher the next day. In the afternoon on Monday, we were taken into downtown Guangzhou to the Civil Affairs Office where he was waiting. There were also many other families from other agencies all waiting to meet their child that day as well. Guangzhou is hot and humid--a stark contrast to the freezing Beijing weather we had just endured. The Civil Affairs Office also was without air conditioning. Combined with the fact that we were so nervous, we were all sweating in there. We had to wait in a big room with everyone and the babies were in a different room--something of a staging area--it had a curtain pulled in front of the doorway. One by one, each child was brought out to their waiting parents. I remember our Chinese guide, Catherine, turned to me at one point and said, "you are next." I waited for a small toddler to be carried out to me. Instead, through the curtain came a woman who was helping a little guy to walk over to us. Our Asher! They stopped in front of us, and he looked up at her kind of expectantly, like, what are we doing here? 

He let me pick him up right away. He didn't cry (that came later), he was more like wondering what was going on. A little stunned, to say the least. It was very sweet. 

Asher remained with us for the rest of the trip. The remainder of our time was spent processing adoption paperwork for China and applying for a visa for Asher so that he could come into the United States when we brought him home. During that time, we got to know a few things about him and see more of who he is.

Caleb has been doing very well and is fitting into the big brother role nicely. Asher doesn't like him though, so I kind of feel bad for him. I'm sure he will come around--most people tend to take to Caleb right away, he's pretty likable (and I can't claim any responsibility for that!).

There is a definite difference between the two boys, and we noticed this right away. Caleb had been in foster care for much of his life before adoption. He went through quite a grieving process and had many difficulties with sleeping at first, but he was on track developmentally. Asher has been in an orphanage and not in foster care, so he is not able to do as many tasks as a typical 18 month old. He learns pretty quickly, though, and in the last couple of weeks has already picked up new skills. We have to keep in mind that there are so many things in this world that he hasn't encountered because, when a child lives in an orphanage, they just don't get to experience as many things, especially western culture. So, food, toys, clothing, and many other things are all new to Asher. It takes time to teach him what he needs to know and to give him the understanding that he is part of a family now. 

On our way to the Civil Affairs Office to meet Asher

Our family, finally together

Red couch picture day. The boys are dressed in traditional Chinese clothing to celebrate their heritage.

After finally processing everything, we received Asher's visa and took a train to Hong Kong to stay for a couple more days before coming home. We actually ended up staying at the Disneyland hotel. Even though I'm not a huge Disney fan, we really enjoyed our time there and received some much needed rest before braving our crazy flight home. 

So here we are, home at last. It's not easy to post 18 days of havoc into one blog entry. It was a worthwhile trip and we returned home with a treasure. We feel so lucky to have our two boys! 

Now, if I could just get over this jet lag......

Away We Go

Thirteen months have culminated into this: we are leaving for China tomorrow. Russ and I have been wandering around our house the last couple of hours, trying to get ready for the day but also aware of that whole surreal feeling that comes with taking a trip like this. We are leaving this evening and staying near the airport (an hour from here) because we have an early flight tomorrow.

I'm looking forward to this, but I am also nervous. I know we have done this trip before, but we also haven't. The first time around, we had never been parents and we didn't know what we were getting into. We didn't know who Caleb would be in personality or mannerisms, and that is just stuff that you learn about over time. We literally came home with a little boy to raise who was a stranger. Now that same boy is 3 1/2 and going back with us. He's actually the one we know this time around. Asher will be the little stranger that we will learn about and get to know. The trip to China is important, but the bonding takes time while living and growing together for months and years to come. This trip is just where the permanent family begins.

So, away we go. We'll be back as a family of four. I'm going to blog in China, provided there are no computer glitches (it was an issue last time).

Until then, thanks to all who are reading for the support and prayers!

Happy New Year!

Happy Chinese New Year, that is. We are now entering the Year of the Tiger, one of the twelve animals associated with the Lunar calendar. We have celebrated this year by cooking Chinese food. My (future) sister-in-law gave me a great cookbook for Christmas that highlights several countries, with China included. There are some fabulous recipes in there for delicious Chinese food.

We celebrated one evening by inviting some good friends over to eat beef and broccoli in oyster sauce and Sichuan green beans. Tonight, I tried a version of chicken lo mein. Both meals turned out really well. As previously mentioned in other posts, we are foodies around here. I love to cook, and I love trying new recipes, but Chinese food is especially fun. When I was growing up, my mom would make chicken chow mein: you know the La Choy stuff from the can with the crunchy noodles? Yeah. My initial interpretation of Chinese food was that is was simply gross. I never wanted to eat it and I didn't until I was an adult. Little did I know that as a child, while I was snubbing Chinese food, I would come to love it and have more dim sum than I could want when I was in China for an adoption! 

Speaking of China, we are leaving in 11 days. We are flying to Beijing first and spending an extra day touring. We will be there for three days. We then fly to Guangzhou and spend about two weeks there. Guangzhou is the capital of the province where Asher lives. We are flying into Guangzhou on February 28 and we are supposed to meet Asher on March 1. For anyone who has read this blog for a while or remembers when we met Caleb, we were surprised to have him meeting us at the hotel a day sooner than expected. So, it is unknown when we really will meet Asher. Following our two weeks in Guangzhou, we will take a train to Hong Kong and stay there for two more days before flying home. It's long. 18 days actually. 

We have been celebrating Valentine's Day around here, too. Russ and I had a date last night and were able to go out for Indian food and see a movie: Valentine's Day, the movie. It was actually pretty good, despite some questionable reviews. I think I saw a movie in the theater twice in 2009, so I was happy that since we were actually going, it was a movie to enjoy and not something to suffer through.

The next 11 days are pretty full around here. It's not just getting ready to go, it seems that everything is busy right now. Today I helped my dad at my parents' farm with vaccinating cows. Yes, I am still putting my nursing skills to good use. 20 cows received intramuscular injections with a very large bore needle that I wouldn't wish on any human. The next several days are also full of preschool, speech therapy sessions, a one-day conference, a birthday party, MOPS, and multiple other things that end up being thrown in there. We'll see how it all goes.

As I am now rambling, it seems that it's time for me to just sign off and get started.

Travel Approved

This week has been interesting. I'm not so sure that I would have asked for things to have gone the way they did, but here we are. I love a good surprise, and that's what we received.

This week we have been anticipating the arrival of our approval to travel to China. Once received, we can book our plane tickets and get ready to go. With Caleb's adoption, we received our travel approval (TA) and left for China 10 days later. This time around, it's been different.

If anything, I find that I am constantly adjusting to new levels of disappointment when it comes to traveling. Last summer, we thought we would be going in November-Decemberish. By November, we assumed we would travel in January. By January, well, you get the idea. 

We have missed the deadline to travel before the Chinese New Year: one of China's biggest holidays. Government offices close, flights are booked solid, and there is no vacancy at most hotels. Consequently, our agency does not send families during this time, because we wouldn't get very far. The delay is approximately a month. 

Anyway, we had been waiting for our travel approval. Rumors were flying around that our agency was getting some approvals from China and we hoped ours would be in the mix. We waited. I wasn't checking my email obsessively at all. :)

We eventually learned that several families from our agency received theirs. Great! Except we didn't receive ours. Not great. It was unknown when it would come. 

At this point, I started to give up dealing with my disappointment in any kind of a nice matter. I think I'm a relatively laid back person, but everyone reaches their point when that ends. I had reached mine. I found myself awake at 2 am that night, unable to sleep. I was terribly distracted about all of it, not to mention disappointed. I'm so unbelievably grateful for our son and the opportunity to adopt another, but this was hard.

The next day, with renewed attitudes, Russ and I faced the day determined to go on. Our travel approval would come, too. We may not go in February, but maybe March or April? We would keep waiting, because that's all we could do.

That afternoon, Caleb was napping and the phone rang: our agency. Didn't we get our email? No. Did we know that our travel approval had come? No.....

Apparently, we did receive it, but didn't get the email. It's here! We can go!

We are leaving in a month to go to China to pick up our Asher! I know, a month still is a long time, but I can now know when I'm leaving. I can plan! We know what we are doing now. The horrible wait has been replaced with excited anticipation. 

I've got some good friends. I also think that God is pretty great, although I know with recent events such as Haiti, many people may wonder otherwise. We had a lot of people praying for us through this process, for which I am so thankful. And even if we didn't receive our travel approval this week, even if we were still overlooked, I still call God good. He's got it together. He must know how much I love a good surprise, too, because that's what I got. When we thought we were passed by, we were wrong: our turn is here.

Here There Be Boys

We have sons. I love this. I may say differently in about 10-12 years when they are teenagers, but for now, I'm liking it. 

This week has been interesting. Actually, I could say that for the entire month. As it probably is in other parts of the country, we have had tons of snow. It just seems to continue to fall. Every time I think we could not have room for more, there it is. I do like snow, but we are starting to run out of places to put it. Christmas was a blizzard. We cancelled attending Christmas Eve services with Russ' family because they live 100 miles away. The next day, we did make it to my parents house (only 20 miles away) and ended up being snowed in overnight. Wind, cold temperatures, blowing snow, yes, this is a Nebraska winter as we haven't seen since my childhood.

This week, despite the weather, we welcomed my new nephew into the world. My sister, Marna had a little boy on Tuesday, January 5. His name is Axton Grey, and he was 7# 6 oz, despite the fears of the physicians that he would be closer to 9 1/2 lbs. If you've met my sister, you know she doesn't really have room for  9 1/2 lbs of baby. She is quite petite. I was honored to be in the delivery room as her labor coach and she did great! Little Axton is such a good baby already, one more sweet little boy in our family.

In other news of boys, Russ and I have received updates about Asher! We had sent him a Christmas package and apparently the company that translated everything and got it all there was able to get some updated information and photos of him! We have seven new photos! He looks very happy. He is almost 21 lbs--bigger than Caleb was at that age, he is just under 29 inches tall, and he has 5 teeth. What a sweetie! I just want to get him and give him a big squeeze!

 

       our latest photo of Asher in China -- January 2010

Christmas Joy

It has been a busy couple of weeks around here. I'm so happy to be staying home now, and my time has been pretty much taken over with winter and Christmas stuff.

We've had a lot of snow and cold temperatures. Last week, school was cancelled for 3 days and since Caleb's preschool is part of the public school system, he was home, too. Day one was fun--we baked bread and watched a Christmas movie. Day two--starting to get a little antsy by the end of the day. I gratefully headed to the grocery store after supper as a reason to leave the house. Day three--cabin fever. It wasn't the being home part, it was the fact that we couldn't leave even if we wanted to. 

We did have a lot of fun in the snow, beyond shoveling the driveway and having to push our car out of a snowbank. We attempted to take Caleb sledding, but I think he was a little scared and not too sure how he felt about the whole thing. Snow angels and scooping with his "shovel" (a leftover from the sandbox) were alot more interesting. It's been fun..I love winter and having a white Christmas.

Before the snow we managed to catch the Star City parade downtown. I think its the first time I've been there in about 25 years, until my mom reminded me that I marched in it in the high school band. Maybe I just blocked out that memory, I don't know. We got our Christmas tree, too, and found this great little place where you cut your own and they have hot cider and chocolate while you wait for them wrap it. I guess I really do get into all of this holiday stuff.

On the Asher front, there isn't much new to say. Our visas are currently being processed at the consulate in Chicago and we should have them before Christmas. At this point, we are waiting for that blessed email that tells us of our approval to travel and when we need to be in Beijing. We have been hoping it will come soon and maybe we can travel in January. The problem (isn't there usually some kind of problem?) is that Chinese New Year falls in mid-February, closing travel for the better part of a month. So, when people ask when we are going, I say either the end of January or early March. And I won't know until approximately the day before we leave, so when I find out I'll let you know. Note: sarcasm. 

I actually feel so blessed this holiday season for our two boys. One here who is so much fun: he gives us plenty of joy, he's bright and funny and just simply a great kid. And our other one: our precious guy spending Christmas in China this year. But next year....we'll all be together. I'm thankful for that.

The Next Chapter

This morning, I came home from work at my job in the NICU for the last time. I have been thinking for a while about the future of our family and where my purpose is managing work and stuff at home. I decided that it was time to leave my job at the hospital and stay home with my growing family to be a full time mom. I did shed a few tears on my drive home from work this morning. While I seem to have been somewhat professionally confused in recent years, working in different areas and trying to find a good fit, the NICU has been a stable presence for the last seven years. I had moments of feeling so challenged at that job, doing things I never imagined. When I graduated from nursing school, I wanted to be a flight nurse but I never thought it would happen. I didn't ever plan or even wish to work  with babies when I first started out and yet I had a successful career of doing just that for 10 years. I even spent some of that time as a flight nurse for the babies...long after I thought that dream had died. It's all been very cool, and I leave with great memories:

--being new to the job and feeling like a total dope who didn't know a thing about what I was doing

--our brand new unit and the first days of caring for babies in private rooms

--when I got married and my friends from work gave me a wedding shower and came to our wedding

--going out for transports in the ambulance and flights, and attending all those C-sections 

--making pancakes in the employee lounge in the early morning

--many, many kids who spent time there---some home with families and some to heaven--some of the most memorable: Payton, Theresa, Alla, Gavin, Brock, Tanner

--spending my first Christmas there, alone in the back room with baby Maria (anyone from work reading this will understand how that was not an ideal Christmas!)

--watching Napoleon Dynamite in the middle of the night

--working all those nights with a fun crew of people who made it easier to be there 

--all of the awful, mean, embarrassing, exhausting, but also challenging, fulfilling, rewarding, proud, wonderful moments

Ok, so a few tears are back again. It's ok, it was a significant place and I had to give it a little tribute.

So now, it's on to the next chapter--potentially even more scary--being a full time mother to two Chinese boys, one here, and one on the way. Yikes! But, of course I mean that in a good way....