Day 37

Lately, I've had a few people ask me about where we are at in the wait for Ellie and when we think we will travel. Well, the answer is this:

"We are on day 37 of our wait for LOA, then when we get that, we'll file the I-800, then we wait for TA, then we can go."

But, because that sounds like a certain amount of jibberish to many people, I instead usually just say something like this:

"We're hoping to go in January."

So, that's where we are. The adoption process hasn't changed a ton since we started with Caleb's, although there are added requirements that do seem to make the whole thing go longer. We tend to wait at least a little while before announcing our new child to the world because the wait does seem long after that point. With the boys, we waited 8 and 9 months between the time we found out they existed until we actually met them in person. It's long, yes, and pregnancy is a similar timeline, but at least with pregnancy, the baby is already housed with Mom, not learning to walk in an orphanage on the other side of the world. That might sound harsh, but really, I don't have bitterness about it at all. I've come to accept that it does take quite a while for administrative purposes and communication. That's just how it is.

We're waiting for our Letter of Acceptance (LOA), which is a piece of paper saying that we are approved to adopt Ellie. We get this, even though it's already been pre-approved. Writing that down makes it sound like we really are on some type of paperwork runaround, but that's the system. The LOA usually arrives between about 50 and 100 days after our stuff is logged into China. We sign it and then send it back and then file the I-800, a form for U.S. immigration purposes. It didn't use to be this way. With Caleb's we got our LOA and then waited to find out when we could go. But, things have changed and it is for the better since the U.S. became party to the Hague Convention--a step that works to protect children from trafficking and such. So, the I-800 gets filed, which takes a few weeks, and then we wait for our Travel Approval (TA), the point at which they tell us we can go. Most people travel within 2 to 4 weeks after getting the TA.

So, for anyone still reading through that jargon, that is our timeline to Ellie. It might also be easier to say that we are expecting January because her timeline is following Asher's very closely, but we are also being optimistic. We received Asher's referral in 2009 on the same day that we received Ellie's in 2011 (June 3). We also were logged in to China at roughly the same time, 2 years apart in mid-August. And since we left for China in late February of 2010 for Asher, we are being optimistic that perhaps we will leave just a bit sooner this time around? I can always hope.

It's funny how things change. When we were waiting for Caleb, we didn't have children and the wait seemed impossibly long. We were members of a Yahoo! group with other waiting families from our agency, and I followed how everyone else was faring with the timeline. But now, 4 years later, sometimes I barely have time to check on things. I had to calculate that we were 37 days into the wait before I wrote this post, which used to be something I knew every day until we got our LOA. That's how it goes, I guess, so maybe if we don't actually go in January and it ends up being March again, that will be OK. It will work out, I know it.

Air Show 2011

Yesterday, we went to see an air show with the Blue Angels, sponsored by the U.S. military. It was an awesome display--one that I tried to take pictures of but the planes were going way too fast for my camera. We did have a good time, though. Asher loved the planes and the air displays and kept yelling, "hey! Fast!" The planes are actually quite loud when flying directly overhead, which scared him quite a bit, but after a minute or two, he was back to being excited.

Here's the thing that I thought was the greatest part of the day: right after we arrived, an explosion went off in the distant part of the air field, a sort of fake "bomb" that a plane had pretended to drop as it went by. Asher was a little stunned and he just turned around, practically jumping into my arms because he was afraid. That shouldn't be a big deal, except that a year ago, there would have been no effort to seek his Mom at all....he would have just cried because he didn't necessarily find me all that comforting either! It has taken Asher a long time to "get" that we're family. It was the sweetest thing for me when periodicallyduring the show, turned to me and said, "I'm scared." He's come such a long way, this little trooper of mine.

So, it was a great day in the sunshine, enjoying being part of a family and celebrating our freedom. I could not ask for more!

WORDLESS WEDNESDAY

Trouble? Who...me?

Five

Back in 2008 when I was in China for the first time, my little 18 month old son seemed so small that to think he would someday turn five seemed like some far-off, futuristic time. Well, the day has arrived. Caleb is five years old today. He's turning into quite a young man. While he is a big fan of Diego, dinosaurs, Cars, great white sharks and such, this year, all the talk was about a certain "beach ambulance" that he was really hoping for. (Note: I do not really know what a beach ambulance is. We were shopping in the store one day and looking in the toy section and he saw this vehicle that had lights and sirens and was pulling a cart that said "HIGH TIDE." He loved it. But when he asked me what it was, all I could think of was, "uh, that's a beach ambulance!" And so it stuck.)

This year, we held a housewarming party/birthday party since we had just moved into our new house. We were so blessed by friends and family who visited and who helpedus celebrate our new home and Caleb's birthday. People were so thoughtful and giving and he was happy with everything. We waited three days (until his actual birthday) to celebrate with our small family with pizza and a few presents. While I love celebrating with other people, I'm also really happy to have our family together. And when I hear, "aw....thanks Mom! I love you!" it makes my whole year. Suddenly, these birthdays seem to come around all too quickly....

Party with friends....

Owen, with one of the housewarming gifts from our party--

our new "housepet" that we named Bowen.....

Party at home with family.....

The coveted "beach ambulance"

Starting School

The school year has begun and this year, both boys are attending preschool. Caleb is in a PreK program at a new school this year and Asher started preschool with our local school district. Caleb is not yet five, but technically qualifies to go to kindergarten. We opted to keep him out for one more year, however, for him to gain one more year of speech before starting. We signed Asher up for his preschool program this spring, and although I initially thought that maybe he wasn't ready, the last several months, the idea has really grown on me. Then, last week after meeting his teacher and visiting his classroom, his early intervention specialist told me there had been a mistake and he would have to wait because he was not yet three. We were so disappointed! I hadn't realized how much I was liking the idea of him starting. But then, his fabulous teacher made a few calls and determined that yes, he really was eligible to start with the rest of his class! We were thankful, much so because then he can learn the ropes with everyone else at the same time, rather than starting a month later.

While Caleb was pretty excited about his school and enjoyed his classroom, I'm not sure that Asher has really gotten the significance of his school transition. But for me, it is a great success story. Here is a child that, 17 months ago, I had a difficult time taking in public, anywhere, because he became so overstimulated. He has really needed to spend significant time at home to understand the difference a family makes. And now, he has blossomed and is ready to go!

Pink Has Entered the House!

We aren't really huge about pink around here. Well, not up until now, that is. Being surrounded by men in our home, including my husband, two sons and my dog, we're more about earth tones, dirt, sports, zoo animals, cars, trains and the like. So, when I went shopping to send a care package to Ellie, I was pretty excited to look for girl things. Little girl pajamas, dresses, shoes, hair bows...so fun! I don't know how to raise a girl...in fact I've been researching things like tights and tutus, of all things. Call it preparation, whatever. I'm so looking forward to this new member of our family!

I think perhaps a few people were surprised when we announced that we were adopting Ellie. There is a story behind it, which includes me, at one time, saying that we were done. We had been home with Asher for a few months, I had only been home as a full-time mom for a few months longer and we just weren't in that place. One day, I was working on a writing project related to adoption and was looking for some information about special needs, so I went to the Rainbow Kids website, which has some great articles, some of which are written by adoptive parents. Of course, I started thinking about it all again--I still love China adoption and truly believe in it, but we were in no way ready to go down that road again. I did mentionit to Russ, who basically laughed at me. Fast forward a few months and I couldn't get the idea out of my mind. I was thinking of a girl....a daughter...but how could we do that? One day, we heard a sermon at church about Hesed, faithfulness to that which the Lord calls us. I couldn't get this out of my mind, but was God really looking for faithfulness from us through adoption? Again? We came home and Russ told me the same things I had been thinking....what are we being faithful to? Ourselves? Should we go back? Is there a girl?

So, we decided to start again, although we weren't really forthcoming by telling others about it. The wait is so very long at times, and it really hadn't been terribly long since we were home with Asher. So, we completed our homestudy, had our background checks, did our physicals, and basically set everything in motion. We really thought it would be a long time, too. With the boys, we waited a total of 13 months from beginning to end, each time. Actually, that isn't too long overall when compared with the times of some other families. Usually, though, if you decide that you are open to either a boy or a girl, you may get a boy referral first. For some reason, there are more of those sweet, special needs boys in China who need families, I don't know why. So, we have experience adopting boys. We have never waited for a girl, though, and we really just didn't know what to expect.

We were fingerprinted and processed and certifying and authenticating all while we were trying to sell our house. I have mentioned that our house sale was a true gift--because at one time we weren't sure if we should even sell or not. And, we were thinking of renting or just moving to an even smaller place temporarily, all because we still didn't know how much longer we would have to wait before we could go to China again. Honestly, it was a dark time, those months of trying to sell our house. I'm not sure why. Maybe because it is something of a roller coaster of hoping that someone will buy, but feeling sad about leaving a house that we loved, and also wondering where to move to and how to cover everything. It was a hard process. I have said that I even got to the point where I had accepted the fact that we were probably staying in our house for another year.....maybe it didn't even matter because we didn't have a referral, right? But then, we did sell, and it went fast! Suddenly, we knew we were moving and we needed a place! I was glad to be at the end of our roller coaster and we started trying to decide where we should move.

Three days after we signed our papers, the phone rang and it was our adoption agency. The gal calling introduced herself and asked if I had a few minutes to talk? Even if I didn't I would have made the time, I had a pretty good idea of why she was calling. She wanted to talk to us about a little girl in China and ask us if we would be interested in looking at her pictures and her file. We said yes and so she emailed us the information so we could think about it.

It really did not take much thinking, although Russ and I tried to do the responsible thing and peruse all of the lab results, check out her pictures, read her history and try to look up as much information as we could. We said yes, of course, because I knew when I saw her picture, that sweet little face, she's the one.

We named her Ellie, although her full, English name will be Mary Ellen Yu. The "Yu" comes from a name of the province where she is currently living. She is now 15 months old, lives in foster care and has hearing loss, so we have been making some preparations for testing when she gets here. We have been praying that she will make a smooth transition, although who isn't at least a little traumatized by leaving the foster family/orphanage you've lived in for your entire life to go with some family who looks nothing like you, doesn't speak your language and eats weird food? It can be difficult, as we've seen with both boys. So, we aren't expecting everything to be sunshine and roses, in fact, we're expecting a lot of tears and some difficult adjustments. Maybe we'll be happily surprised if it isn't as bad as we pictured.

But anyway, this baby girl is now waiting to join our family and we are waiting for her. I sent her the care package in hopes that she will have a few things of her own and to share with her current family. Additionally, sending this package gives them a heads up that she has a family. We were told that foster families aren't always notified until travel approval is issued for the adopting family, roughly a month before leaving. So, we wanted to give them time to prepare their hearts for her to say good-bye, and we wanted her to have some pictures so she will know a little bit of what to expect. Maybe it will give her some comfort to see that she will have Chinese brothers!

LID is here!

Ok, so I am adding this quick post to say that today we received our log-in-date (LID) for Ellie! I know I haven't really posted about her adoption much yet....and I will...soon. The LID is the point where China receives our paperwork and it officially goes "on the books" as being in line for processing. It's a big step, at least for those of us in the China adoption world. Until this point, it is all just waiting. And now we face, well, more waiting. But at least we know that China knows who we are and we are being processed. Hooray! More to come soon....

Up at 5 with Coffee

Ok, so it has been way too long since I have posted anything here. We're talking nothing yet in 2011 at all! So it is the way things are going around this place. I've always been busy and it isn't as if there is nothing to say.

So, I'm going to start anew, sort of, or at least continue onward and try to catch up. I have realized that I miss journaling here and with everything going on in our lives, I want to have a place to keep track.

It is 5am and I'm awake. With coffee. Although I am a morning person, I do not normally relish these early mornings when I am only awake because I can't sleep. It reminds me too much of my years as a nurse when I was only awake because it was my work shift. Instead of having my first cup of coffee for the day, it was my 10th, and instead of just waking up because my dog is snoring next to my bed, I would have been awake all night. I don't miss those days (nights) much at all.

I'm a stay at home mom and have been now for over 1 1/2 years. My kids are 4 and 2, soon to be 5 and 3. They both have birthdays coming up and they keep me really busy. They both are Chinese and were both born with cleft lip and palate. We adopted them two years apart and have been home with Asher since March 2010. This is how time flies. When we came home with Ash, we both thought, that is it, we are done. We have two wonderful boys and we are blessed. We were happy and truly very busy. I spend a lot of time caring for them, taking them to speech therapy and other lessons and I work from home as a writer. So sometimes I do find myself awake at 5 am and it's not always a bad thing--it's peace and quiet.

Up until 3 weeks ago, we lived in a small, 2-bedroom home--our first house that we loved. Ok, I loved it when we first bought it and for many years of living there, but then it became cramped. Perhaps it is because it used to be just Russ and I. Then, we added Owen, our dog, who really doesn't take up too much room. We brought Caleb home to that house in 2008 and then, two years later, Asher. Even before we adopted Asher, we thought of moving but decided against it because it just didn't seem like the right time. Then, once we were home from China, we didn't realize how close of quarters it would be with two kids. But we didn't feel we could move yet, what with just returning from traveling across the world and managing a new 18 month old in the family.

Once we decided to move, we were so excited to think about a new house but we also realized how difficult it would be. We had waited a year past the first-time home buyer stimulus that may have brought a buyer in for us. Instead, we waited for it to sell but we sometimes weren't sure that it would because it seemed, well, small. Once, after an unsuccessful open house, our realtors mentioned that there was one retired couple who was looking at it and who they thought might be interested. The couple instead said they were retiring and moving to the area, but no, the house was too small. Our realtors asked them about what line of work they were retiring from. They were overseas missionaries! So, even for someone retiring from a career of living in a developing country, our house was suddenly too small. We wondered if it would sell.

As the end of our contract grew closer, we started to think that maybe we were meant to stay. Maybe we should wait and sell it ourselves next year? We thought we could save on paying real estate fees and although we were squeezed, we could try again later. After several months of getting a last-minute call for a showing and then running around trying to clean and get everyone out of the house for 1/2 hour so someone could see it along with 10 other houses in the area, we were getting tired. So, we resigned ourselves to that. And it wasn't all that bad. I had been praying about it all as the months went by and I had gotten to the point that either God wanted me to give up thinking so much about this house and its trials or that we were really just supposed to stay for a while longer.

The last weekend of our contract, Memorial Day weekend, we decided to go camping. We knew that once we got back, we could take a break from trying to sell. The Friday before the holiday weekend, we got a call that someone wanted to see the place. Fine. A lot of people had seen it, it didn't mean much to us. The next day, as we were leaving town for our camping trip, we got a call from our agent that the person who had seen the house wanted to see it again. We would be out of town anyway, so why not? We weren't too sure about any of it at all and we knew that once we got back from our trip, the whole thing would probably be over for a while. Instead, we came home to an offer on the house. Suddenly, we were selling! We had to quickly change our mindsets--for so long living while wondering if we were staying or if we were going, and we were going!

I did wonder, for a brief time, what it all meant. I was trying to find some meaning in it, maybe that is foolish, but that is how I am wired. Why get to the point where we knew we would be OK to stay in our house for another year only to have it sell so quickly? I didn't quite understand. But then, three days after our sale, we got a phone call from our adoption agency with some news.....and then, it started to make some sense to me. But I'll leave that for another post.

Suffice it to say that I love living in our new house. We actually bought it quickly after our other had sold. We took six weeks to close and we moved in the middle of July. Oh, how I love it here! There is so much more room, a wonderful backyard, an upstairs, a master bathroom (!) and even floors that do not creak so that when I get up at 5am and head downstairs, I don't wake anyone up. That's a feat that wasn't possible one short month ago. Yes, I'm so thankful for this house. It is a perfect fit for us and we love it. I can totally see us raising our boys and our soon-to-be-home daughter, living here.

Consider Adoption

November is National Adoption Month. I love to have the chance to do my part to raise awareness about adoption and the kids who wait for homes everywhere. Sometimes, I think the word "awareness" is a funny term: haven't people heard of adoption? It's been going on for centuries. But I also feel that sometimes people may look at our family or others and think about it, but not truly know if it is possible for themselves or someone else that they may know.

We are a conspicuous family. It's pretty obvious that, when Russ and I head out somewhere with the boys that they are adopted. I do get a lot of people that ask me about it; the process, is it worth it, or just sometimes the odd statement thrown out there. Responses for our family range from the nicely curious--("is this something you've always wanted to do?") to the rude ("oh...you can't have a baby?"). Entering into a conversation with anyone who is semi-serious about the whole thing often leads to discussions about each of our choices about how to build a family, which I love. But I also often hear from people who say things like, "I've always wanted to adopt, but...we could never afford that, or I don't know if I could love him or her as much as my other children, or my husband isn't on board, etc." This is fine. In fact, it's good, because the whole thing is not something to enter into lightly. But for anyone on the fence, or who is almost there, or just who has something in their heart that won't let go of the idea, I want to share a few things.

It used to be that adoption was a second choice--it is often still treated that way, but there has been something of a movement to change this. Many couples who wanted to be parents chose adoption because they could not have a biological child. Adoptions were often secret, with parents raising a child and never telling her the truth until she was an adult. Even our own first adoption started because we were infertile, although we could have done much more to have a biological child. I always wanted to adopt, but I'm afraid if I had a baby in the beginning that I would never have adopted my children because I was too busy or whatever else happens.

But we did adopt, and in so doing, changed our minds and our lives about what we want. When the time came for our next child, we did not even consider entering into infertility treatments. We adopted. That seems to also be the trend among a lot of people who are changing the face of the whole process as well. Even for people who can have a biological child, I've met many who choose to adopt because it is about the child and providing him a place to have a family, too. Loving him as your child may not be there instantly (although in some cases, it is), but just as any other relationship grows, so does your love for this child. I don't know if it is the same as a biological child--not having any of those, I'm the last to speak about that--but I can say that life becomes unimaginable without this child. I'm pretty sure most parents would say the same about their own biological child.

The transformation is amazing as well. What I felt from several initial photos to what I see now all the time is a wonderful process of growth and change. I see children who once didn't have a home that are now very much at home in their new family.

From this:

To this:

And this:

To this:

For those who wonder if they could afford the whole thing, it is a touchy subject. No one wants to ask about money (well, some people don't care), but the truth is, it does cost. It costs to pay for an agency or attorney to facilitate the whole thing; for documents to be notarized or sometimes translated; and in many cases, for travel, whether to another city or another country. It costs time and energy and requires emotional stamina when you don't have an answer about how much longer it all takes.

Cost is involved. But so is help. I didn't know this when we started, but I have learned a bit over the past 4 years about some of the resources that are available out there. For instance, many employers offer some financial assistance and the same family leave and benefits as a birth child. There are also places such as the National Adoption Foundation which offer help in the form of grants and no-interest loans as well as Show Hope, which offers ideas for fundraising. Google "adoption grants" and see what happens.

Last night, I was reading the latest news about the Duggars, the TLC family of 19 Kids and Counting! Apparently, the oldest child, Josh, is married and has one child. He and his wife are announcing her next pregnancy and she is due next summer. What was interesting about the whole thing was the sheer volume of comments that people posted about the situation: over 500. I didn't read them all, but I scanned through a bunch of opinions that ranged from supportive ("congratulations! what a wonderful family!") to the just plain mean ("insane! breeders!" etc). It made me sad to think that people give up so much time and energy to criticize people they don't know. On the other hand, I thought "19 kids? You could have adopted half of them instead and still had your big family and you might have made a small dent in the huge number of orphans who only wish they could have such a home."

There are 143 million orphans throughout the world. If you even think about it at all, even consider it in the smallest way, it might be worth considering or looking into even more. Maybe the time is right and maybe not, but I promise if you go forward, it will change your life. And a child's.

"Do not be afraid, for I am with you;

I will bring your children from the East and gather you from the West.

I will say to the North "give them up!" and to the South "do not hold them back!"

Bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the ends of the earth...."

---Isaiah 43: 5-6

This year was Asher's first Halloween. I have to wonder what was going through his head as we dressed him up as a pirate to wander the streets with a thousand other kids. Once again this year, we went to my sister's home because her neighborhood is crazy with trick-or-treaters. We had a good time with our nieces and nephews as they went in search of candy. I was afraid that Asher would be overwhelmed by all the people, but after hitting a few houses, he figured out what was going on. He kept yelling "way me!" (wait for me!) as he ran and tried to keep up with the big kids.

Caleb was a fire fighter this year. Ever since we visited the fire station this summer, he has been so excited about fire trucks and when the local fire fighters were buying groceries in the store near us one morning, it was all he talked about for the rest of the day. Between that and Bob the Builder, I'll be interested to see where his interests go as he grows up. He's our hardworking boy.