08.08.08

Well, we feel so excited that the Olympic games are starting today in Beijing! How amazing that we were there ourselves almost 5 months ago. Today, Caleb is wearing his Olympic T-shirt that we bought for him while we were there. It says: Beijing 2008 WELCOME TO YOU on it. Russ and I have both been thinking about China a lot lately, and I'm sure it is somewhat because of the recent spotlight. We can't wait to go back someday and visit and take Caleb with us to see his home country. Pictured above is the "bird's nest" stadium of the Olympic games, still under construction as we saw it in March.

This has been my last week home full time with Caleb. I'm starting my new job on Monday. I will be working at a pediatric doctor's office, part time, in Omaha. I'm looking forward to this, as it will probably be more interesting than school nursing, but not as critical as NICU. That's fine by me. I also am happy to have a more permanent position, as this past year with the schools was a one year contract. It was difficult to spend the year not knowing if I would return again or be forced to find something else at the end of the school year. In the end, the school system did offer me another position, which I declined. While it is not easy to start another new job in a year and it add more change to our already busy lives, I couldn't continue in the job. This probably doesn't come as much of a surprise, considering my attitude expressed toward it in previous posts. So, that's where I'll be: working for Children's Hospital Physicians, seeing kids, helping the pediatrician in the office, and probably giving many flu shots and immunizations.

Caleb and I have been keeping up this week with different activities: we've been to the zoo and rode the train, went swimming with my friend Jane, and went to Omaha with my sister. His attitude and spirit are pretty much back to what he was pre-surgery. We had a couple weeks there, with pain/bleeding/feedings that really made him quite grumpy. I was beginning to wonder where my happy little guy went to. Now he's back. He will start daycare next week. It's an in-home daycare where my niece goes, so he will be with his cousin, Maesa. And, this gal is also an adoptive mom: they brought home their daughter from Korea almost 6 years ago. So, I'm happy for Caleb to have some interaction with other kids during the day. And after this event-filled past 6 months, I'm ready to get into some type of routine. I think we're all ready for that.

Zeus and other updates

We're now 2 weeks into the arm restraints at home. The good news: Caleb has really taken to them. Sometimes, he doesn't even want to take them off for a skin/circulation check. He has even accepted being fed his meals. The bad news: we found out yesterday that he has to wear them an extra week.

Saturday morning, we woke up and he was bleeding out of his mouth and nose. It was strange to me because, at the time, he was 10 days post surgery. If he was going to bleed, wouldn't it have been sooner? All kinds of thoughts were racing through my brain as I contacted the surgeon on-call. Maybe he'll have to go to the hospital? Maybe go back into surgery? His first surgery is totally ruined and we have to start over? We ended up taking him to the ER, where he was diagnosed with "oozing" from his stitches. Then we came home. Since then, it's back to the liquid diet, eat cold foods, and call if it gets worse. It has since happened again on Monday, but nothing since. Yesterday, we went to our post-op check up with the surgeon. I was expecting a few more answers. He looked in Caleb's mouth. I told him about the bleeding. He didn't know that it happened, but it's no big deal. I told him about food still coming out of his nose sometimes. He said that happens sometimes, but it's no big deal. How much longer until he can go back to a soft diet? A couple more days. Then, he told us we needed to come back in two more weeks for another check and he has to wear his arm restraints until then (making it an extra week). Then, my five minutes were up, and he was gone. Well, as most everything else is in life, we're still at a "wait and see". Fortunately, aside from everything I have mentioned, he really is doing well.

In the midst of everything else, we also decided to get another dog. When we were considering it, the responses to this idea ranged anywhere from "that's a great idea" (only heard once) to "you are insane" (heard a little more frequently). It would seem that we have our hands full, and getting another dog would only add to the stress. But, actually, that wasn't my theory. I do love dogs, and, not that I want a house full of them, two are not that bad. Also, when I go back to work in August, Owen will be home alone for long periods of time, so we wanted a friend for him. Does that mean I coddle Owen too much? Oh well, maybe I do. We wanted to make sure that we found the "right" dog, and we certainly did! His name is Zeus, and he is a rottweiler/beagle mix who we adopted from the humane society. He is such a good dog! He's four years old, so he's a little more calm and quiet. It's a great influence on Owen, actually. He never barks, he recalls to his name very quickly, he sits/lays down/shakes/heels/stays on command. Since Owen is our first dog, we really didn't have anyone to compare him to. He is, many times, very naughty, but we love him. But we are so happy to have Zeus because he keeps Owen in line a little more. So, maybe we are insane, but I don't care. I think he's worth it.

Palate repaired

Caleb's palate surgery was on Wednesday this week and he's home again and happy. Ok, he's home. Happy will come later I'm sure. We went in very early on Wednesday morning. The hospital is about an hour drive from our home, so arriving there at 5:30 am was a little daunting. They took him back for surgery at about 7 am and it was supposed to take 2 hours. A little after 10 am, the surgeon finally came to our room to tell us it was done. I guess it took longer than they planned because his mouth is so small and it was difficult to work in. After his recovery, they brought him and he was so sleepy. His mouth was quite bruised and puffy, plus he had some bruising around the corners of his mouth. I can only imagine it was from trying to open his mouth as much as possible to see what they were doing. He did so well, though. He slept most of the day and was up and about again on Thursday. We got home yesterday and he's doing fine. I knew he was resilient: he's been handling it all so well.
For now, he is on a full liquid diet and wearing arm restraints. These will last for three weeks, and, sorry to say, I am counting the days. The restraints stretch from his shoulder to the middle of his hand and prevent him from bending at the elbow. This keeps him from putting anything at all in his mouth and ruining the work that has been done. I'm impressed by his attitude toward them: for all he knows, they are a permanent fixture in his life. He manages to play and get around quite well. We have been feeding him, though, something he is still adjusting to. He wants to be independent and feed himself, and so far, as long as we've known him, that's what he's done. So, sitting back and waiting for the spoon is a frustrating thing for him. Also, we've been teaching him some signs and gestures so that he is better able to communicate. These, too, I thought would be pretty much on hold, but I've now noticed that he has modified them and he still gets his point across.
We are glad to be home. Russ and I both stayed at the hospital the whole time, and, as anybody knows, it's not the most restful place. It made me reminiscent of our China days when we were still trying to figure out the schedule and staying in one room. Although, there were no nurses then, coming in at all hours. It really made me think about my work and how it affects people. Speaking of work, I have accepted a job to start in August, but I'll talk more about that later. For now, we are recovering at home and Caleb is getting back to his usual self (a slightly modified version).

Like a Champ

Up and running around the next day.

Back at home.

Home 3 months!

Hard to believe, but it's been 3 months to the day since we stepped off that plane, coming all the way from China, and bringing our little boy to his forever home. I look at him today and he is so amazingly different from the little guy we first met and spent two weeks with in China. He's changed so very much. His personality is stronger and he's such a gleeful, fun person. If I had to peg his personality temperament, he seems like he will be a leader. He is strong willed, and probably the most stubborn child I've ever met (although I'm sure any parent reading this is saying, "uh....you haven't met my child!"). I really think the strong will is to his benefit: he is adaptable and resilient.

So, we're spending the summer together, and it's great. I've been trying to take him (and sometimes Owen) to a different place to explore or see every few days. Not big events or anything, just some stuff to do this summer, which he's happy to do, but also just as content to be in our baby pool in the backyard. Easy to please, apparently. So far, we have been to the Roca Berry Farm, Morrill Hall, Aksarben aquarium, and Lee Simmons safari. (Safari? I question that a little. Safari implies, in my head, zebras, tigers, and elephants. This was more the Nebraska safari of a wild turkey, bison, and cranes. Oh, and we did see a wolf in a caged-off area.) Anyway, we've come away with new things to see, 10 lbs of strawberries, and time spent together and with friends. It's been a great summer so far--a true blessing of a way to spend our first 3 months home together, especially since things are about to change.

We met with the craniofacial team 3 weeks ago, in Omaha. It was a morning of meeting different specialists in the areas of hearing, speech, ENT, genetics, orthodontics, and plastic surgery. It was so great to be able to talk with so many people who were knowledgeable, could answer our questions, and come up with a plan. They did several tests and explained alot about future procedures and therapies. His hearing is diminished, which I had noticed some (OK, I thought it was just selective hearing!)but they determined he may just need tubes placed. So, the plan is to do his palate repair and place tubes at that time. This all goes down on Wednesday, July 16th, so, if you think of it, please pray for Caleb on that day. It would mean a lot.

He has also qualified for speech therapy through early intervention. We have a meeting about that next week. He really has been trying to use more words, and is getting the "ar" sound of "star" or "car". He has some stars on the wall of his room, which he frequently points to and tries to say "ar...." which ends up sometimes coming across a little more like a pirate sound, but, whatever. Otherwise, there aren't a lot of clear words coming from him, but we get his meaning most of the time. I'm sure he believes he's making sense because he babbles and gestures as if he is holding our rapt attention in conversation. One day, the words will start flowing and we won't be able to stop it!

Finally, our full time together this summer is limited, as I will be going back to work in August. The question I've been asked by many is, where? Good question. I'm still working out details, so I actually don't have an answer yet. I remember last year, happily gushing about my job interview for a school nurse position. Well, let's just say I hope to be telling all what I'm doing soon. I'll leave it at that for now.

I'll post some pics of our summer activities. Here's to many more summers ahead of us as a family!!!

Remembering the First Moments...

Guest Author: Russ

Well, its Father's Day, and I am feeling a bit sentimental.
It has been 3 months almost exactly that we first met our son.
I put together a little slideshow of "Gotcha Day",
- the day I became a Dad in real life.

Summertime

Well, Monday was my last day of work for the summer, so I'm off for the next two and a half months. It's a definite perk of working for the public school system. We're already feeling the hot, humid weather around here, complete with thunderstorms. A few days ago, I woke up to find what looked like a moderately sized tree in our side yard. It turned out to be a very large branch that had snapped off of the neighbors tree during the previous night's storm and was lying across the corner of their roof, taking up most of their yard, and part of ours. Caleb is doing great. He had a great time staying with my parents during the days that I was at school. We've got some plans lined up for the summer, but no big vacations or trips at this point (going to China was probably enough traveling for one year, I think). The next several days, though, we are busy with appointments. Tomorrow, we will have our first post-placement visit with the social worker. I'm not really nervous about it, except for maybe the behavior of our dog. He just gets a little too excited to see people sometimes. This social worker will be the same one who did our homestudy and visited us here a year ago. We were pretty nervous back then because we thought she had the power to make or break this adoption. In retrospect, it wasn't too bad at all. And this time....well, considering Caleb is now home, I don't think we have much to worry about.

Friday, we have a meeting with the craniofacial team at Boystown Research Hospital. The team consists of a plastic surgeon, an oral surgeon, audiologist, ENT doctor, speech therapist, nurses, and probably a few other people that I'm forgetting. Since a cleft lip and palate can affect several different functions, all of these will need to be evaluated and then a plan will be drawn up. We should be able to have his first surgery (palate repair) sometime this summer. So, that will be another part of our summer plans. While I'm not looking forward to seeing my little guy deal with post-op pain/recovery, it will be great to have it done. And, we won't have so much food coming out of his nose as often!

Here's a story related to his open palate: he doesn't really have the capacity to suck when drinking, so every time we get a sippy cup, we take the valve out so that he can just drink out of it. Recently, someone gave us some new-fangled ones that he really likes (complete with pictures of Lightning McQueen on them) though they don't have a valve. I don't know what it is....just a different kind of opening. Well, I put some milk in one and gave it to him to see if he could use it and I saw some milk in his mouth, so I figured hey, it works! Later in the day, we went to lunch at Chipotle. My friend Kris was putting green tabasco on her burrito and Caleb kept reaching for the bottle. He really wanted that tabasco. So Kris put a small drop on the end of his finger and let him try it. His eyes teared up, his face was red, he didn't know what to think. She offered him his sippy cup and he grabbed it and drank. It wasn't until we were home, several hours later, that I went to refill it. It was still full. Turns out, he wasn't really able to get much out of it at all. I felt terrible!! No wonder he was frantically trying to eat ice out of one of our empty cups at lunch. Once I switched it out, he guzzled two full cups. Poor thing!

In spite of that, he really is doing well, and we're looking forward to summer. We already have a toddler sized swimming pool that hasn't even made it to our backyard yet. Someone gave it to us as a gift and it is currently inflated and sitting in our living room. Caleb is excited even just having it like that--wait until he sees what it is really used for! I'm excited for his to have his first summer here and experience all the stuff that goes with it!

"Just around the corner"

I went back to work this week. Overall, it's been good, even if it's only been a day and a half. Caleb has been going to my parent's house during the day and we will keep this up until the end of the school year, which is only about 3 weeks away. He's doing great with it, overall. I think I worried a little in the beginning because I wasn't sure how it would go. But, we had a couple of practice days while I was off, where we went and spent most of the day there and he could take a nap. My parents live in the country, so the whole farm thing is also a big draw. The tractors and the riding lawn mower are parked at the top of the hill from the house. Every day that we pull in the driveway, the pointing/grunting begins before we are even out of the car. Tractors! We let him sit in the tractor with my dad, which was a big treat for him.

This time off has gone amazingly fast, and before I knew it, I was driving to work on Wednesday morning. As many already know, this job has been a little questionable for me this past year. While I have really enjoyed the schedule (and I would continue to enjoy that for, well, forever), the actual job itself hasn't been as great as I had hoped. Oh well, we live and learn. I was driving to work--alone in the car for the first time in weeks, and it suddenly seemed strange--and I was thinking about all of the real reasons I was at this job for the past year. Looking back, when I was hired, it was for a one-year-only contract: a fact I was disappointed about in the beginning. Now, I am grateful that when my year is up, I'm done. But in the past year, I've gotten to enjoy my weekends off, sleeping at night, eating breakfast routine that I once gushed about in a previous post. It still holds true. I've also learned a lot about the public school system, and now that I have a child, I am a little more aware of current and future opportunities that are out there. And, I've met some really neat people, some of whom I could even call friends (!). So, I will try to enjoy my last three weeks, knowing that it is almost over. And yet....I somehow couldn't manage to get through the year without having to do the school nurse "talk" to the fourth and fifth graders. The PC/somewhat misleading and vague term for it is called "Growth and Development" class. In other words, puberty. I've been off work for 8 weeks, I go back for the last 3 weeks of the school year, and I still have this squeezed into my schedule. The teachers have deflected to me: they are so uncomfortable with it that they schedule it for the last couple of weeks of school, on a Friday, the last hour of the day. That way, they can have the school nurse do the talking, the bell rings, and they send the kids home for the weekend where they can ask their parents the embarassing questions. And what does the school nurse do? This particular one took the easy way out and checked out educational videos from the district office that will do the talking for her, appropriately called "Just Around the Corner". Here's what you can expect, kids. Watch this video to learn how you will be changing soon, it's just around the corner! Now, if you have any questions, be sure you ask your mom and dad!

Okay, so I'm not copping out that much. I will do some talking, as uncomfortable as it may be. Actually, being a nurse, I can honestly say that I've seen more than an average person's share of uncomfortable things, and this class ranks kind of low. But I did check out the videos.... hey, whatever works, right?

It's the end of the world as we know it

So this is what life has become: an REM song. I've become aware that the life that I have always known is pretty much over. Not that I had this most exciting, out-there life to begin with, but, you know, it was mine. I knew that things would be different, and, after waiting for so long, I expected to feel happy and excited, which I do. But what I wasn't prepared for was this unexpected sense of grief. Where could this be coming from? Probably the fact that I've spent thirty-odd years doing my own thing and suddenly (or, not so suddenly, depending on how you view the timing), my own thing is not mine anymore. I've realized the dramatic change is sometimes tiring, sometimes wonderful. But, I have noticed the change.

1. Time alone. For an introvert, this is a tough one. I like my time alone. Someone said to me recently that the first child is the hardest because you are used to your time alone and then it is gone. Subsequent children are a little easier because, by then, you are used to not having much to yourself anymore. Ok, note taken.

2. Social activities. Russ and I went to a birthday party a couple of nights ago and we found ourselves going over our plans ahead of time: we stick together and neither one of us is left alone with Caleb to chase him around, and we only stay for 30 minutes, tops. I also found myself re-telling the same story to two people who politely pretended that they hadn't heard it before. Is it true that I now have run out of things to talk about so that I am repeating myself?

3. The quiet. It doesn't exist anymore, except maybe during nap time. The constant din that goes on around our house has been one of the toughest things to get used to. I like quiet. I knew toddlers were noisy, but I didn't realize the amount of screeching, babbling, barking, "Old McDonald" songs I would be hearing on an hourly basis. In addition, I also didn't realize how much giggling, singing, and general levels of cuteness that would be taking place either.

We've been opening toys little by little to avoid some of the "Disneyland syndrome" that adopted kids can face. We broke out this little rider, which Russ and I loved, but I don't think Caleb really knew what to do with it. After sitting him on it, he managed to push himself around a little, tentatively, at least.

Caleb found one of those musical cards that plays a song when it is opened. He thought it was so funny to open and close it over and over to stop and start the song, which in this case was the theme song from "Dallas".

Overall, Caleb is adjusting very nicely. Whenever I feel like complaining about how much things have changed, I have to consider what he must be thinking. He was once living in a foster home in China before some people showed up one day and literally took him to the other side of the world. Talk about change. We have a book called "Caleb Crosses the Country" that we read at bedtime each night. It's about a camel named Caleb who was afraid to travel, but he learns that God can use anybody, even if we are afraid. Every night that we read it, it reminds me of how brave my little boy is. I'm so proud of him.

My 2 Sons

Well, now that we have been home for 2 1/2 weeks, we are falling into something that resembles a routine. I'm a little more aware now of what is going on because the jet lag haze is over, although some amounts of sleep deprivation remain, a fact that will not change until, well, retirement? I don't know.

When we were planning to bring Caleb home and waiting all those months, we still had Owen during that time. He was our only "child" so to speak, and got most of our attention. When I thought ahead to when Caleb would be here, I worried that Owen would be impatient or somehow another personality would emerge and he would be snippy with Caleb. I worried that Caleb wouldn't like Owen and be afraid of him. Not true in either case. Caleb loves Owen and Owen willingly puts up with the near-constant hugs, being sat on, having his tail pulled, etc. But something else has shown up and I'm not sure what to do. Owen seems to be having a "jealous older-brother" syndrome going on. Every time we play with Caleb, Owen is right there--bringing a toy for us to throw for him or sniffing around into something he isn't supposed to be. Most of Caleb's toys are off-limits for Owen, simply because he tends to chew everything in sight if you don't stop him. Stuffed animals, in particular, are the victims. So, I spend much of my time taking things away from Owen. Probably about the same amount of time I spend running after Caleb. I now have two toddlers in the house!

I might add that we have been trying to give Owen a lot of attention as well, so he doesn't feel quite so snubbed. And, the other day, our sweet neighbors brought over a "new baby" gift for Caleb, and the next day, they came back with a new toy for Owen, too. He's all right now.

We're home!

It is so good to be home.  I don't think I was aware of how much I really wanted to come back until we actually arrived at our house.  I'm sure that it could have also been partly because of our very long trip to get here.  Thankfully, it is over now.  A brief synopsis:

      Get up at 4am to fly from Guangzhou to Beijing.  It's a 3 hour flight that Caleb sleeps through. 4 hour layover in Beijing that I thought would be long and boring, but was actually spent with another adoptive family, trying only to find terminal 2.  We manage to make it onto the 2nd flight, Beijing to Newark.  It's a 13 hour flight and Caleb barely sleeps at all.  Besides being incredibly long, it's not exactly dull.  There is vomiting, tears, an argument between 2 passengers across the aisle from us that required flight attendant intervention, me trying to clean up the floor of the airplane restroom because Caleb peed everywhere, more tears (by me), and a request by the airline staff for help from any medical personnel on the flight because someone was ill.  I volunteered after I realized no one else was saying anything.  I should have mentioned right away that I was a pediatric nurse, so I wasn't sure how much I could do.  The whole time, I kept thinking, "what if they have to land the plane?  Where are we going to land? We're flying over the North Pole!"  Fortunately, I was trumped by a Chinese doctor on board and didn't have to do anything.  We arrive in Newark and spend almost 3 hours standing in line, going through customs, finding and rechecking our luggage, etc.  At this point, I am aware that I have limits to what I can endure while traveling, and I believe I have reached it.  But we still had another flight ahead: Newark to Omaha, 3 more hours.  Caleb and Russ sleep and it is peaceful.  We arrive at the airport and are greeted by both my family and Russ' family.  I happily go to bed at 3am, so relieved that it is all over.

Caleb is adjusting nicely to home, although to him, it may just be one more place that he'll stay with us for a little while before moving on.  It's the 3rd bed he's slept in since he's been with us.  The sleeping thing is probably the biggest issue, as we are all still jet lagged, and he really doesn't appreciate the crib yet.  Getting to sleep is OK.  Staying asleep is another story entirely. Sometimes, he just sleeps wherever, I guess.

We went to visit my parents the next day to meet the rest of my family.  We were also reunited with Owen.  It was so good to see him!  He stayed with my parents and probably became somewhat of a spoiled granddog, but that's OK, I suppose.  I wasn't sure how Caleb was going to react to him, but it was all right.  He was a little shy at first, but by the next day, he was totally infatuated with Owen, and wanted to feed him.  The feeling wasn't exactly mutual.  Owen merely tolerated Caleb for a while, but then, after being hand-fed his breakfast for 45 minutes, he really warmed up.

Russ goes back to work tomorrow, so I will be on my own all day.  I hope I can handle it.  We have a doctor appointment on Friday where we'll do the initial visit/workup thing and then see about making plans for Caleb's palate repair.  I think they did an amazing job on his lip already, so hopefully the palate repair will go just as well.

We've been receiving a lot of phone calls and well wishes from family and friends and we really appreciate all of the support that has been given.  Our dear friends even left a full refrigerator for us to find when we got home.  We walked in the door to find fruit, snacks, meat, milk, and even diapers.  It was great!  We are so thankful to be home, see everyone, and know that so many have been following our journey along the way.