Home!

Oh, how we are glad to be home. It was a very long trip, but we made it! Russ and I took a lot of time in Guangzhou to pack everything up—which was no small feat with the six of us—and we headed out early in the morning to take a van to Hong Kong, which took about three hours. We then flew from HK to Chicago, which took 14 hours. The kids were very happy because each seat had a TV screen with choice of movies and games. Ellie watched a Tinkerbell movie three times and was thrilled. All of the kids slept on the way home, but Russ and I were not able to fall asleep, so we were barely staying awake on the second flight between Chicago and Lincoln.

Jia checking out the sights while preparing to land in America

The jet lag is evil, but it seems to be going away now. Thanks to melatonin supplements, we haven’t done too badly sleeping at night, except for Asher, who somehow seems to have some trouble. Maybe tonight he will sleep right through. I keep hoping.

Jia Qing was very excited to come home and my mom graciously bought us some groceries and a gift for him so they were there when we arrived. I think he was a bit overwhelmed at first because there was a lot to see. When he is nervous or overstimulated, he sort of flits from one thing to the next. I can’t blame him…there was a house, a different bed, all new toys (to him), food, everything. It will take some getting used to.

After a couple of days, we started back at school. I had talked with Jia about how we go to school at home. I’m not having him do a lot of work right away, though or going through English study right off the bat. We look at some books and he does some of the same things as the other kids as far as drawing, coloring, or crafts, but otherwise, I’m taking it slow with him. I may change that, though, sooner than I thought. Caleb finished some work yesterday where he was practicing double-digit subtraction and Jia Qing asked me why he wasn’t doing that, too. Hmm…so you’re telling me you want to do math! So, today, I had him try some subtraction, too, and he did great! We’ll still take it slow these first few weeks and focus more on keeping things together as a family and bonding, rather than pushing through with work.

Still, everyone is adjusting very well. I went to the store a couple of days ago—by myself!—and was remembering a night from about a year and a half ago, when we were still living in the apartment. The thought of adopting another child was so not on my radar, in part because we were living in a small space and I felt like we had our hands way too full already. Of course, I also was not imagining adopting an 8 year old. Each day since we have met Jia Qing, I am thankful to the Lord that we did. He is amazing. He is so joyful and sweet. He gets mad, like everyone else, but he also has such a kind and happy temperament. I think of how he spent eight years in an orphanage/foster care situation and I’m so thankful that he has something permanent now. I see it in these little things, everywhere. Last night, I was cutting apples and he and Caleb kept coming into the kitchen to sneak pieces of them. We are starting to clear space in the yard to plant more grass and he was right there with everyone, moving things around in the yard. We were listening to music while the boys were cleaning their room and he was singing some of the songs later, after hearing them (I think) only once. So much a boy, a son who lives here.


As we go into these next few weeks and months of adjustment, I know we will have trials and difficult times. That is part of this whole deal. But I’m also aware that every day now is different than it used to be, in a good way. Compared to that time when I wasn’t considering adopting again, life has changed so much. It goes in fast forward, sometimes it is challenging, but in the end, it is all worth it.

China's Hosting Program

Jia Qing with his host parents in the United States, December 2014

We have had such busy days while here in Guangzhou. It almost doesn’t seem possible that we will be going home tomorrow, but it is! I’m so grateful for the time that we have had here in China, the people that we have met along the way, and of course, for our new son, Jia Qing.

I wanted to share something today that has been on my mind and that I keep seeing again and again here with many of the families we are traveling with, and that is about the hosting program. I do not believe that we would be here today if it were not for Jia being hosted in the United States last winter and having that experience.

When we first learned about Jia Qing, one of the things that we read about him was that he was hosted in the United States during the winter of 2014-2015. We were actually a bit shocked that, at 7 years old, he flew to the U.S. to meet a family and stay with them for a month. We thought he seemed so young. We assumed that it would be too difficult for everyone involved, both him and the family. We presumed that it would be confusing for him. We were wrong.

My only experience with hosting was when I was in high school and we hosted exchange students from Denmark and from Germany. Later, my sister Marna went to Denmark as part of student exchange as well and lived there for a year. These situations were all involving teenage students who had families, not orphans who seemed to be between the ages of 7 and 13. So, we didn’t really understand much about how hosting orphans from China or any other country worked.

At one point when we were considering Jia’s file for adoption, I remembered that, a few years ago, I had read that a group from Love Without Boundaries had gone into an orphanage in China and had taken the kids out for the day to go swimming and go out to eat at a restaurant. When they went back at the end of the day, they received pencils and new pairs of shoes and the kids were so delighted and happy over those simple things. The things we think nothing about, like eating at McDonald’s or driving in a car to stop at the store, those things that are even mundane to us, were exciting and adventurous to these kids because they had not had these experiences. Even though they had to return to the orphanage at the end of the day, they still received that valuable time of visiting somewhere else and taking home a small token of something just for them.

And that is the way hosting is, yet on a much larger scale. Think about a child who is an orphan and who is 7 or 8 or even 11 or 12 years old and who has not had a family. Many people want to adopt very young children, which is wonderful that there are homes for babies and toddlers so that they do not grow up in orphanages. But when a child in the system gets to be older, his chances of being adopted grow slimmer. It’s a very sad reality, but it is true. In China, children are no longer eligible to be adopted once they turn 14. At the very least, hosting allows an older child a chance to experience a family.

I say “at the very least” as if it were a small thing and it is not. It is huge. A chance to live as part of a family, with brothers and sisters, sitting together for meals to eat, going places and riding in the car, doing all of the things that we live with every day that these children never experience, is huge. They get to be a part of something so much bigger than they have ever known. They get to experience something that means so much that we often take for granted. They get family, and even if it is temporary, it is still a time for them to have friendship, bonding, and love from others.

Once hosted, the kids return to their orphanages, but it often doesn’t end there. Many of them go on to be adopted, whether by the families who hosted them or through the family’s advocacy. In Jia’s case, his family tirelessly advocated for him to find a family, telling of how sweet and kind he is. If it were not for them, we would not be here with him. That is the truth. We owe so much to that family that we could never repay.


Jia has a naturally sweet and kind personality, but I have also seen him be very polite, gracious, and well mannered because of what he learned when he was hosted. I also think that he is adjusting very well to having siblings and parents in large part because of his time when he lived in the U.S. 

We have met many people on this trip who met their child through a hosting program. We cannot underestimate the effects of this process. Hosting an orphan is life changing. It builds families. It connects people. It makes a huge difference.

We arrived in Guangzhou Saturday evening after several hours of travel. Guangzhou (pronounced gwahng-joe) is in the southernmost province of China, while Shenyang is in the north. Sort of similar to flying from New Hampshire to Florida in the states. The weather is different, too, obviously. It is very hot and humid here and there are 19 million people living in this city. It's big.

We checked into our hotel, which is very nice. There is a McDonald's across the parking lot and a Starbucks just off the lobby. This probably makes me sound like I eat at these places all the time at home, which I do not! It's just that after a week and a half of dim sum and Chinese food, it is nice to have something familiar. We love Chinese food, but we do not want to eat it for every meal. It is sometimes nice to have, say, pancakes for breakfast instead of fried noodles or pork dumplings.

The first day here, we visited a few touristy sites, which was very interesting. The first place was the Banyan temple, named for the Banyan trees growing there. There were a number of statues and people burning incense and leaving gifts on the altars. Caleb had a lot of questions for me: Where are the statues of Jesus? (they are not here, this is a different type of temple). Why are they leaving gifts? (Because they believe it will please their gods.) Can we take the gifts? (No.) Why don't they believe in Jesus? (..... I don't know, son.) That probably makes me sound inept at explaining religious diversity to my child, but it was difficult. Caleb has always been very pro-Jesus, if you will. He has a lot of concern that people do not know about Him and has talked in the past about moving to China to be a missionary. Our wonderful, sweet-hearted son.

We also visited the Old Chen house, which is an enormous home built for one of the oldest and wealthiest families in China. It was really amazing, but of course, not anything like a mansion that we would think of in the United States. It is more indoor/outdoor rooms with incredible carvings, both on the exterior of the home and on the relics inside. They have ivory carvings, sometimes with the tusk shape still intact, they they create the most intricate scenes of ships and houses out of. I can't really capture how cool it really was.

Temperature wise, cool was not the word at all. It was actually quite hot. And steamy. This made for some cranky kids, so I'm thankful we got these pictures at all, with one or two smiling people. We also saw our guide from three years ago when we adopted Ellie. His name is Jason and he works for our agency, we were just assigned different guides this time. But we all recognized each other and got a picture with him. The guides here in Guangzhou are simply wonderful. They are so very helpful and kind toward us.

Monday was Asher's official birthday. He is seen here (wearing my glasses) proudly displaying his first lost tooth, which came out in Beijing. Interestingly, the tooth fairy visits Beijing as well and leaves Chinese yuan instead of American dollars. On his birthday, the guides sang to him "Happy Birthday" in Chinese and everyone in the group tried to join in. He was happy and smiling in that, "aw, shucks," head tucking, shy sort of way of his. We were able to get a cake from the bakery here in the hotel, which was more of a very large, rich brownie. They gave us candles and we sang to him ourselves in the room later in the evening.

We are having a good time, but we are ready to come home. I keep thinking that it is Jia's home, too, but he is in between right now. Although we will be happy to fly home, he is leaving his home country. I know the other kids have adjusted and he will, too, but I want to recognize how difficult it may be for him. We are blessed with so much and he has so much to gain, but change is also hard. Still, it will be good to be home. We are waiting on our consulate appointment, which is tomorrow. Then, we have to wait another day before we can actually leave the country, although I'm not sure why that is a rule. We just follow. So, we leave on Friday to fly home. Three more days of this fascinating country and we will be boarding that plane, homebound.

All of the Familiar

Today, we leave for Guangzhou for the next leg of this trip. Oh boy...we'll see how this turns out! I think that the kids have been a little stir crazy for the past couple of days. We go out every day and go places and keep busy but when it comes down to it, they are tired of being in a hotel room. Duly noted. There's just nothing we can do about that right now. Still, we will fly to Guangzhou for several days and then we will be on our way home!

I should mention one thing that I haven't talked about much, and that is what we call Jia Qing. I mean, we refer to him as JQ or Jia Qing and we also call him that, but I've had several people ask what his American name will be. All of our other kids were given American names and we started calling them that relatively early on, sort of transitioning them into it. For instance, although Caleb was referred to as "Wu" for a year while we waited for him, his caregivers here were calling him Tian Tian. So that is what we called him for a while after his adoption, then Caleb Tian, then just Caleb.

With Jia Qing, it is different. At eight years old, he has so much more of an opinion about such things (not that toddlers do not have an opinion, we know), but also because of Jia's age and experience, we wanted him to know that we have given him an American name, but he can decide how he wants to be called.

His American name is Luke.

I told him this, and he said he liked it. At first, he wanted to go by that, but then he quickly changed his mind. No, he said, then pointed to himself. Jia Qing. We went through this again with Google translate (which I can only hope got the point across), but he wants to be called Jia Qing. So that's that. And it's great, because, well, that is his name anyway, right? We actually left it as his middle name on his paperwork: Luke JiaQing. It doesn't matter in the way that we have to be picky and make sure that he becomes "American" by choosing a different name. We do not feel that way. But it does matter in the way that he is comfortable with who he is and what he wants to be called. He is otherwise leaving so much behind...his language and his culture and most things familiar to him. On the outside, he is very happy and excited. He runs around with the other kids and shows us things and points stuff out to us. I just want to make sure that on the inside, his sweet heart doesn't break by giving up all of the familiar all at once. When we leave to come home to the U.S., it will be for good. We may come back to China again for a visit, but he will not live here again.

And so, I am thinking about this as we move on the Guangzhou today. We will still be in China, but it is the next leg of the trip that finalizes his paperwork at the consulate before we go home. To us, we will be glad to be home but to Jia Qing, it will be the start of everything brand new. It is a tough transition, and one we have not experienced before. Hopefully, with a little time and a lot of grace we will get through this.

I'm going to add a few more pictures of our week, since it has been busy! We have enjoyed exploring this city and looking around at the people and the interesting things to see. We went to an indoor play center a couple of days ago and everyone loved it (clarification: every child loved it). We were all very tired by day's end. As we keep moving forward into the next phase, we are sure to see more sights and have even more interesting experiences. I'm so glad that we are all here together!

Eating lemons straight out of the cup!

Flying a helicopter in the park

Hot pot for lunch

Already, we have been in Shenyang for four days and have had Jia for three. So far, his transition has been pretty seamless, although I’m sure there will be grief and adjustment coming after the initial shock wears off. Still, it does make these days of trooping around the big city and living out of a suitcase a little bit easier.

Our children have done incredibly well on this trip. To think that we almost considered not bringing them! Originally, Russ was going to travel alone, but at some point early on, I had the feeling that we should try to bring everyone, as crazy as that seemed. I wasn’t sure if that was the right thing at first…but it kept being confirmed throughout the time that we were waiting…that we should bring all of our children along. I’m so glad we did. They have done wonderfully on this trip and are great travelers. Plus, I’m so happy that they could be there right at the beginning to meet Jia.

This week, after signing the “official” paperwork, we have had a couple of days to wait and hang out in the city. We leave on Saturday for Guangzhou, where the consulate is, but until then, we are waiting for the government here in Shenyang to process the last of Jia’s paperwork so that he can go with us. We have had fun exploring this city, although we’ve only seen a fraction of the neighborhood where we are. Our hotel is downtown, so we can walk to most places. Today or tomorrow, we might try riding the subway.

Yesterday, we walked over to a park a few blocks away. In my mind, a park consists of a playground and some green space, but this place was so much more than that. I think we

may have seen about 1/3 of it during the two hours that we were there. There were beautiful walkways and pagodas, and of course, people everywhere. 

We stopped by a little shop that was a tent sitting out on the grounds that was selling a bunch of books and a few toys. We bought some knock-off Lego’s of the Incredible Hulk for the boys and a tracing book for Ellie. Most of the books were in Chinese, but it was so interesting to look at the titles. They were a range of cookbooks, travel books, and various subjects from herbal medicine to parenting. I even found this book, which I could incorporate into my own work, if I could read Chinese.

There was a large area that held a fountain, but there was no water. There were also several large groups of people dancing to loud hip hop music in the square. They were mostly older folks who looked like they were performing ballroom dance moves, but the music totally didn’t fit. Doesn’t matter.

There were no playgrounds, but China has various exercise areas throughout their cities and in their parks. These are basically pieces of gym equipment made out of the same material as that used in children’s playgrounds and set up in an area for people to work out. I’ve seen them on street corners in large cities and in park areas, such as this one. They are typically intended for adults, but the kids had fun playing on them.

We drew a crowd. It’s not unusual because people are curious as to why two white people are walking around with four Chinese kids. At first, it was only one or two men standing there, watching, but then the crowd grew to about ten people, all standing there, staring at us and discussing our kids. This happens a lot. The Chinese do not think this is rude in any way and they will talk about us, point, and make gestures while we are standing there, even though we cannot understand what they are saying. They are simply curious and that is their way of figuring out what is going on. Yesterday, one gentleman spoke English to us and asked where we were from, as well as various questions about the kids, such as when the boys had surgery for their cleft lips and why Ellie was wearing a hearing aid. Jia spoke with them for a while as well, although I’m not sure that he really wanted to. We finally walked away and the group followed us for a bit, giving us thumbs up as we went.

We had found Wal-Mart a couple of days ago, so we walked over there again. In some ways, it is very much the same as in America, but it is also vastly different. They have clothes, food, gifts, and toys, which is familiar. They also sell live animals for purchase, such as turtles and bull frogs, to take home and cook for dinner. Not so familiar. We had fun walking through the three levels of the store and we bought more snacks and food. Jia is an eater. We knew this, and are not surprised, so we made sure we had plenty of snacks so he can get enough. I don’t know where he puts it; he is as skinny as a rail! Actually, all of our children are that way, but they do not eat as much, except maybe Asher. They could eat everything in front of them and their clothes are still baggy.

We also had lunch as this little place called Dico’s, which I’m pretty sure is a chain restaurant, but we just hadn’t heard of it. Again, the curiosity from people, but still, they are so kind. We enjoy talking to people who come up and try to ask questions about us, even if they do not speak English. I have found that there are so many Chinese people who are just very kind and accommodating. We enjoy meeting them so much and that has been the case on every trip here. At Dico’s we ordered the family chicken meal. It is something like KFC. Either they felt sorry for us or they just liked us because they brought out some toys from their kids meals, even though we hadn’t ordered any. Then, they brought us two large orders of fries. Also, not previously ordered. Then, they brought us four chicken sandwiches. We were sensing a pattern. We tried to say thank you before going and hopefully got that point across when we left.

Today, we are planning to go to an indoor play place so the kids can use up more of their energy. If only I had such energy! They are never ending…well, maybe when they finally crash at night and go to sleep, which is usually really fast. We have two more days in this city and then we are off again to the next adventure. Actually, every day now is an adventure with this group! We wouldn’t have it any other way.

The First Day of Forever

Jia Qing is with us. Read that: Jia Qing is here and is with us! So amazing!
He is doing beautifully, as well. He has fit right into this family as if he has been with us the entire time and not just a few days.

We were scheduled to meet him at the civil affairs office on Monday morning and everyone was so nervous! Rightfully so. I’ve had a feeling about JQ since the beginning…that even though this adoption is different and he is older and that is an unknown experience for us…it will be okay. But it’s hard not to be nervous when going to meet your child for the first time! Still, we managed to get everyone together and ready to go.

We took the van down to the civil affairs office. We didn’t know if he would be in the room waiting for us, if he would be brought in at some point, or if something else would happen. Around here, things are often not as they seem. Even when we first got in the van, the guide said, “okay, it will take us about 20 minutes to get there.” Then, two minutes later, we arrived. Even Asher asked, “was that 20 minutes?” No, son, it wasn’t. So, we tried to be prepared for every scenario about where Jia would be, but of course, that is hard.

We trooped in and went to the 17^th floor. We are with another lovely family who are adopting a little boy who is 12 years old. They have a 4-year-old son who is also from China and who is with them on this trip, as well as several other grown children at home. Their son was waiting in the office when we arrived, he was so sweet and shy. He has a great smile. It’s a surreal moment when you first walk in and there is a child, waiting, in person.

But no Jia. Yet.

Our guide told us that Jia’s teacher was bringing him but they had to make a stop first and they were coming but they were not on time. Okay. So we then prepared ourselves to wait either another 30 seconds or an hour and a half. In reality, it was about 15 minutes. All of a sudden, they came around the corner and there he was! All smiles. He very shyly approached our family and we introduced ourselves and gave him hugs. He was nervous, but he kept smiling. 

We gave him a stuffed eagle that my aunt had bought for him and the boys were showing it to him. Then, we got out a racecar game on the Kindle and he immediately knew what to do. You could tell he had some experience with that! He does seem to love iPhones, computers, the Kindle, and pretty much technology in general. Yep, pretty standard 8 year old!

We had to sign only a few papers at first, since the majority would be signed the next day. In China, there is a 24-hour waiting period, in which you receive your child and then live with him or her for a day as sort of a trial period. Sometimes, this makes me sad to think about. I cannot imagine coming to China and then turning a child away after 24 hours, but it does happen. So, we started the first day, which to us was not a trial, it was just the first day of forever.

Our first stop was lunch. We went to a noodle place where no one spoke a word of English. The waitress even seemed confused by our wanting to order Cokes for everyone. Jia spoke to her and then she brought the right things out. I don’t know what he said, but it worked! 

Jia became more talkative throughout the first hour and through lunch. He wanted to sit by Caleb the most, and he shared his noodles with Russ and was making sure that everyone got some meat. Afterward, we walked back to the hotel and I took this precious picture of he and Caleb, walking in front of us, hand in hand. Brothers, already.

The first day was a whirlwind. We played in the hotel room, walked to Wal-Mart and back for some groceries, stopped for ice cream in the afternoon, watched some Chinese cartoons; showed Jia around the hotel room, where he would sleep, where his clothes were, and what items were his; ate dinner at KFC, played “bumper cars,” which is generally a game involving crashing Matchbox cars into each other over and over, and tried to wind down to sleep. By mid-afternoon, all three boys were like three peas in a pod and have been ever since. He even teases Ellie, which is also a favorite activity of the boys. She doesn’t like it, of course, but she now has another older brother!


The next day, we headed back to the civil affairs office where we signed the official adoption paperwork. Jia’s teacher was there again and we asked a few questions. We had been told that he had a best friend in the orphanage, so we asked about him. His teacher gave us the names of two boys that Jia particularly liked, but she said he actually had lots of friends. I believe it! We exchanged email addresses so that we could stay in contact and so we could send pictures and updates to his foster family. We signed a lot of papers and there was even a point where Jia had to sign with his handprint. Then, it was official. Jia’s teacher spoke to him for a while and he was all smiles. Afterward, he came toward me with his face shining, held his arms open, and said, “mommy!” and gave me a hug. Then, he did the same thing to Russ, saying, “daddy!” It was precious. I am wondering if his teacher told him that he was part of our family now and staying with us. It makes me wonder: that morning, we were getting ready to go back to the civil affairs office to sign those papers and Jia seemed confused. I tried to reassure him because it felt like he thought that maybe he was going back. I think he understood a little, but it wasn’t until that time later, in the civil affairs office when we had signed the papers and his teacher talked to him, that he relaxed. His joy was evident. I’m pretty sure ours was, too.