Our son!

The answer was yes!
I can't believe it, we finally got the news and it is good! Wednesday, our agency called to tell us that we have been matched with a little boy that we petitioned for. When they called and verified who we were, their first words were, "I'm calling to tell you that you have a son." A son! Us! It's still a bit surreal right now.
We had put a petition in on Monday, knowing that there were probably other families also petitioning at the same time. On Wednesday, our agency's placement team had to make a decision for each child that received a petition from a potential family. We did put in for both a boy and a girl, knowing that we would only be matched with one, if we were matched at all. As I've probably said, I seriously believed that we would not be matched at all, and I was waiting all day for the phone call. They didn't call until 5:30. I pretty much didn't leave the house that day, simply because I didn't want to take the chance that I would miss the call. No matter that they also had both of our cell numbers and my work number in case we weren't home. But I wasn't willing to risk it. By the time 5:25pm had rolled around, Russ was home from work, I had cabin fever from being inside all day, and both of us thought we had been forgotten. After all, it was almost 5:30pm and we figured their office had closed. We were prepared for the answer to be no, but not prepared to wait in limbo with no answer at all! Maybe they lost our paperwork? Maybe they forgot to call because they were too busy with other ecstatic parents and we were swept under the rug? Who knows. It was a long afternoon until the phone finally rang.
We have been matched--or, approved to adopt--a little boy in China named Wu. He was abandoned right after birth and has been living in foster care ever since. He is almost 11 months old, and he has a cleft lip and palate. We have already spoken with a pediatrician about a plan of care for treatment of it, and, while there can be alot of potential work to be done, it's not that big of a deal. I'm going to be a proud parent for a moment here and say, he is adorable! I don't even see the cleft when I look at his picture because I know that he is ours and that is all that matters. I can't wait to pick him up and bring him home. That is the next question: we don't know when it will be. We are hoping maybe a couple of months, but again, there is the paperwork factor. We will be sending our dossier to China after we have our fingerprint appointment in August. With this is also a letter of intent (LOI) that states we would be happy to adopt Wu and what we plan to do to care for him. We then wait until they tell us we can go and pick him up, which usually takes a little while. This is all in a nutshell, of course. I suppose I will find out more details as this progresses. I'm actually ok with waiting a little bit because we have nothing for him right now. Our "nursery" has sat empty for two years, and not even painted since we've moved in. Without knowing who or what we would end up with for a family, I didn't buy anything. Crib or toddler bed? Diapers or pull-ups? Pink or blue? I guess I also didn't want the room to be completed and then sit there empty for two years. That would be enough to drive me into a depression for sure.
But now we know. Our little Wu will soon be here (with a new name as well). I'm so excited! I will post pictures after we have been officially approved from China.

Excitement and possible hope?

I got the job.
They called me yesterday to offer it to me and I said yes. It's this whole surreal feeling right now since it has only been one day. I will surely get used to it over time. I'm excited because it is a new opportunity and a lot of flexibility that I haven't had. While I have enjoyed a lot of my work at the hospital, I've been feeling terribly burned out. I have chosen to stay on there as a supplemental position, working only a few hours a month, though. I'm not quite ready to close the door all the way. I am excited about this new job because I still get to work with kids--I've even been placed at two elementary schools, which is what I wanted. I don't think the work will be as intense as I've been experiencing, and the hours are fantastic. Bear with me while I dream for just a moment....
I will be able to get up in the morning and not have to worry about sleeping late because I have to stay up all night. I am a morning person anyway, yet most mornings right now are slept through. I will be awake. I will have coffee and breakfast and go to work. I will come home in the afternoon and be available to do stuff in the evenings. If someone wants to meet us for dinner, I can go! That is, if I don't already have other social activities going that evening. I can eat dinner with Russ most nights. I can look forward to Fridays, and have every weekend off. I can go to church on Sundays. I get holidays off. Holidays! I always work holidays!
I'm not trying to gloat. I'm just terribly excited. Since becoming a nurse, I've never had a normal schedule. I've missed out on roughly 50% of evening activities, and one never knows if I will make it to Christmas or Thanksgiving dinners. It's been like this for almost eight years now. I feel like I've done my time. I will relish that for just a little while and then move on.
Today is actually a tense day because we are waiting to find out about our adoption petitions. I thought I would be doing this yesterday. On Monday, I had posted that we would be finding out the results of our potential match on Tuesday. Well, Monday night we received an email saying that the agency's placement team had to postpone their meeting for one more day, now Wednesday. They are hopefully meeting as we speak. They are calling those who didn't get matched first, so I'm hoping for a later call. But, what is later? I have no idea how long the meeting will go. It's 11:40 am. If they call me at 1:30 is that good or bad?
I can do nothing about it, as we've done absolutely everything possible. It's in God's hands now. I secretly feel like the answer will be no, but that's because the answer has always been no. After two years of trying to start a family, numerous pregnancy tests, infertility treatments, and month after month of waiting, we've never had a yes. I don't know what that feels like. Maybe I feel like it will be no because it's almost impossible for me to imagine them saying yes. So, that's all I know now. I'm waiting for the phone call. I will post again what the answer is.

What's going on

Well, the job interview on Friday went very well. At least, I think it did. I actually knew (and liked!) the person who was interviewing me, as she was someone who I had worked with during one of my clinicals in nursing school. She was easy to talk to. The job sounds very flexible, and the hours are great (good to think about since I just got done working 12 hour shifts all weekend). I came away from it very excited and hopeful. They are supposed to notify me by Wednesday, so I only have two more days not to think and stew about it.
The other big thing that is going on with us this week is that we have turned in two petitions to adopt. The agency that we are working with has received a group of profiles of children waiting for families. If we are interested in pursuing the adoption of any of these children, we file a petition to adopt. Both of these children are special needs, so part of this petition is outlining our plan of treatment for the child, our resources, and just generally why we are good people. Then, there is a placement team that will decide if we will be matched or not. The team reviews the profiles of prospective adoptive parents to make a decision. This is particularly necessary when there is more than one familiy petitioning for the same child. So, that's where we are at. I can't really give any information about the children right now because it's too early. We did petition to adopt two, because there are two we are equally interested in (a girl and a boy), but we would only be matched with one.
So, please keep your fingers crossed and/or pray that this could work out for us! We will find out tomorrow--so one more day of further not thinking or stewing is involved.

Stuff

It's already Thursday, and I'm just getting around to posting what we've done for the past week. There's been quite a few things going on.
First, I have a job interview tomorrow! I don't know if that is an exclamation of happiness or nervousness. Probably a little of both. It's a school nurse position, which I don't really have much experience with. We did do some work in the schools when I was still in nursing school, but my current work is pretty much nothing like this potential job. So, I have spent the afternoon preparing myself for the interview questions and trying to find some type of bridge between what I do now and why that means I could be a school nurse. Nursing has become so specialized that it isn't a matter of just switching jobs--heck, I haven't cared for an adult patient in years. While I probably haven't forgotten everything, there is still alot about me that isn't qualified to just jump into a new position. At least, not without some training. Anyway, I'm very excited about this prospect, and I'm nervous because I haven't been to an interview in five years. I definitely need some practice. Maybe a role play is in order....
The only thing about this that maybe doesn't make sense is that I don't know how this works with our adoption. I know I have stressed about this part more than a little. I just don't want to start a new job and then take three months off right away for family leave. Somehow, that doesn't seem quite right. And yet, there still isn't a child in the picture (yet--I'll get to that in a minute) so I can't say for sure what will happen. How can I base my decisions on something I don't even know yet? Right? So, the answer: go to the interview.
As far as the adoption is concerned, we have made a little progress this week. When we came home from our vacation, there was a letter in the mail from the Department of Homeland Security. Even though receiving such a letter sounds a little unnerving, we were very excited. You see, part of the process of international adoption is applying to bring an orphan into the U.S. This is handled by the Department of Homeland Security. We filed this form in May, hoping it would be a short process. This is one area that has the potential to delay the whole adoption process because it is unkown how long it will take to attend to our application. Wait a minute, I've just described every action we've tried during this entire adoption process! Delays! It's one of the only guarantees we are given during this. Ok, anyway, we applied for this deal in May and the form is the I-600A. After sending it in (along with a check and a receipt to track the process through FedEx) we wait until they notify us to come in to be fingerprinted for a background check. When notified of the fingerprint appointment, it is best to take it, no matter when it is. Who knows when there could be another. You don't want to provoke the Department of Homeland Security by calling and trying to reschedule around something else, say for instance, your job. You work it out. So, our fingerprint appointment is for early August and we will be there. After that, we wait for the follow up approval form (the I-171H) which will be sent on to China. We really didn't know how long this would take, so we are excited to be able to continue this part. It's a pretty big step for us right now.
On another note, we spent last weekend out west visiting my good friend Kris, and we stayed with her family. Her parents are some of the most hospitable people I've known. They treated us like family--or maybe even better at times. They were great to be around. I like to visit her hometown and go to the usual spots. And, this particular weekend, there was Oregon Trail Days in town, so we were able to eat, drink, and have fun. We even went to the midway one night, but I didn't get any pictures of Russ on the carnival rides.

We attended the international food festival, where there were many different choices of entrees. After sorting through our options of Chinese, Mexican, Mediterranean, or turkey legs, we decided on German brats. This isn't mine, though, I don't go for the saurkraut.

We did hit one of the beer gardens, this one located at the Union Bar, or the west side of the establishment, appropriately called the Western Union. It was a good time to hang out with Kris and just catch up on everything that's been going on.

The diner where we had breakfast Saturday morning. Apparently, the owners are racing fans. You can actually go in and order "the usual" and they know what you are talking about! (Ok, so not for someone like me, a visitor, but you know what I mean). I tend to think it is one of the simple pleasures of small town life.

The enigma of the Beagle

From the time I started attending First Baptist church in 1998 to about 2003, our pastor there was Pastor Lee. Pastor Lee had many fine qualities: he was devoted to God, an excellent teacher, a top-notch preacher, and a great friend. He had previous teaching experience at the college level, and had traveled quite extensively. He was, in other words, a wise man. There was something about him though, at the time, that I never quite understood. He owned beagles. His family had one beagle (who later met an untimely death) who was then replaced with another beagle. The subject of these dogs would occasionally come up during a sermon, and frequently in conversations. "Our beagle did the cutest thing...." or "Our beagle learned this fabulous new trick..." etc, etc, ad nauseum. I didn't get it. We had owned a dog when I was growing up. I considered myself to be dog lover, even. While, at the time, I didn't actually own a dog, I considered it to be something in my future, similar to picturing myself having kids one day. What is such a big deal about a beagle?
Then, the day came when I, too, officially became a beagle owner. I remember it: December 23, 2006. I worked a 12 hour shift at the hospital and came home to spend the evening with Russ. We had decided to open our Christmas gifts that evening, since we knew the next couple of days would be very busy with family. For Russ, I had carefully selected a new, sturdy pair of work boots for him to wear on the job, as well as a DVD called We Built This City: New York for the city planner in him that he had been seriously hinting about. He oohed and ahhed over his gifts, seemingly very pleased. I couldn't wait to open mine. He handed me a small box that I quickly tore open to find....a hand mixer for the kitchen. Wow. Yes, I had said that I wanted one, but seriously? Is this what we had come to, only married for a little over two years and I was already receiving appliances as a gift?
Oh, wait, he said. There is one more gift downstairs. He ran down and came up with a large Christmas tote. When I opened it, inside was Owen: a furry thing who was all of six weeks staring back at me. I couldn't believe it! A dog? I'm getting a dog? I know I had mentioned it in the past, but, he remembered!
But, I didn't just get a dog. I got a beagle. I realize now that there is a distinct difference. Now, I know for all lab owners or mutt lovers, their dog is actually smarter, better personality, whatever you come up with. To each his own. (I actually do love almost all kinds of dogs---it's the cats I can't tolerate). But let me just give a plug for beagles and you can place me in the same category with Pastor Lee. A beagle is a smart dog. I know this. I can never say that Owen is dumb, because I know he is not. He gets things, and he remembers. It's just that he is so willful, he doesn't always do what he is supposed to. Maybe that's the puppy in him. Maybe not. He is gentle with our 2 year old niece and even gentle with certain small stuffed animals because he knows it is necessary. He can also play rough and tumble with the best of dogs. He's a hound whose nose never stops and he can let out a howl that has a hang time of ten seconds. He's fast. He's cute. And on days like today when I am roaming the house doing various cleaning tasks, he stays at my side. He's a great companion.
Perhaps I am only feeling sentimental right now, since Owen is currently staying with my parents while we go out of town. It's only been an hour and I miss him. I can't wait until we pick him up and bring him home again. He's our beagle. And some days, when I feel like this adoption thing can't get any worse and there will never be a child, sometimes, it does feel like he is enough. And right now, he is.

We are a special needs family

I've had a lot of people approach me asking how things are going with our adoption. Truthfully, things have changed so much since the beginning of our process that I can't remember who I've told what. So, I thought I would outline what it is we are doing, just so we're all on the same page.

February: We decide on the 2nd to forego further infertility treatments (which is for another post entirely) and choose adoption, which is something we had been considering for a while. Ok, I had been planning it for somewhere in the future for many years, but Russ and I had been having discussions for a couple of months by this time. We interviewed 4 different agencies to determine who to work with and tried to figure out which type of adoption: domestic or international.

March/April: We officially decide to work with a small agency out of Omaha. We have also decided on international adoption, as we both seem to have more of an interest in the process and the outcome. It all seems like a good fit. We begin our homestudy on March 7th. Contrary to popular belief, a homestudy is more than just a scrutinizing visit to your home from a social worker (that actually comes later). It is a process that involves much paperwork, interviews with a social worker, background checks, oh, and let's not forget the bureaucratic cr*p that comes with every step along the way. (Do I sound bitter? Maybe only a little). Our homestudy process consisted of being fingerprinted and cleared for criminal background checks, employment verification letters, four personal references, letters from our physicians stating our good physical health, copies of our tax returns, our marriage license, our birth certificates, a ten page packet of questions about raising a child from a different ethnic background, a 2-4 page bibliography, four visits with a social worker, and an all-day parenting class. In all, the process took ten weeks. There were parts of the process that could have gone a lot more smoothly (for example, our marriage license needed to be amended because it said we were married the day after we actually were), but we did manage to get it all done.

May: We have our final home visit from the social worker, thereby officially ending our homestudy. This visit was preceded by a flood in our basement (actually twice) that required our carpet to be replaced and our home turned upside down for about a week. While the basement was cleared out and pre-carpeted, we decided to paint the walls for good measure. The day before the visit, my mom and I cleaned for hours (thanks mom!) and we finally got our home looking presentable. The big day came. Our social worker, Diane, arrived and was at our house for a total of an hour and a half. She spent the first hour and twenty minutes seated at our kitchen table, and then quickly toured the house before leaving. That's it. Doesn't she know how much work we put into preparing our home for this very visit?! Oh well, the homestudy is done and typed up and sent to our agency. A week later, we meet with a representative from our agency to discuss the next step: the preparation of our dossier. The dossier is a collection of documents (some that have already been done through the homestudy) that forms a complete picture of who we are. It is our physical, emotional, historical, and financial picture that will be translated and sent to China to be matched with a baby! We are picturing a girl, 6-18 months old, and healthy. At least, that's what it states in our homestudy. So that is what we hope for.

June: The work on the dossier continues. We file the form I-600A with the Department of Homeland Security to bring an orphan into the United States. We are learning that the process for China is slowing down considerably. We have been notified that the I-600A is only good for 18 months and then it will need to be renewed. We prepare to renew someday in the future since that is the length of time we are facing. It's discouraging, to say the least. I keep trying to find out more information about the process and all I keep finding is that wait times are lengthening but no one knows why. We were disturbed. Clearly, there are many people who are still willing to adopt the girls who are available. The wait (currently) is at 20 months from submission of dossier and it is slowing down. For every girl who is available to be adopted, there is a family who has waited to be matched with her, and many more in line. But what about the children where no one is waiting in line for them? Do we still go to China or choose another country? What do we do?

We decided to stay with China and consider special needs. "Special needs" can be a scary phrase for those who do not know, so I'm going to explain it the best I can. Believe me, I had my own ideas of what special needs meant in the beginning and I wasn't too thrilled about it. There are many different types, but for most children, special needs kids are the ones who are hard to place because of a medical, emotional, or developmental impairment, or if they are older. When looking at some of the medical needs, I realized that I see many of those needs in kids I already care for in my job. Cleft lip and palate, some heart issues requiring surgery, club foot, etc., all was not that abnormal to me. While I don't feel like I can care for a child who is severely emotionally or developmentally delayed, I do feel that, with my medical background, I do know a lot about some of these needs already. And, most of them, to me, are not that big of a deal. After seeing the faces of some of these children, Russ and I decided to look into it more. We learned that, if we had gotten to the point where we submitted our dossier (which we were almost ready to do), it would have been too late to consider a special needs child. Once a dossier is submitted for non-special needs in China, it stays that way. We looked into the process at exactly the right time.

July: So now, here we are. In case there is any question, we are a special needs family. We are no longer pursuing "regular" China, our child will come with some sort of medical handicap that we will help correct. We desire to give them a loving family, just as any child deserves. Hopefully, we will find them soon. We have applied with two agencies who specialize in this type of adoption. Our agency out of Omaha will send them our completed paperwork when we are matched with a child. We actually still need our agency in Omaha because they are local, whereas the other two are located in Texas and Utah. There needs to be a local agency to conduct follow up visits and be available for questions, paperwork, etc. Each of the special needs agencies will receive a group of available children every three months or so. Becuase we have pre applied, we have access to view the profiles of the children from a secure site. If there is a child we are interested in learning more about, we put our name in for them, and after a certain period of time, the agency decides if we (or another family if there is more interest) are chosen for that child. If we are, we begin the process of adopting that child. Our agencies currently have new groups coming out in July and August. At that time, we will see what becomes of all of this.

So, I probably could have shortened this whole description of everything, but that is where we are. Hopefully, as the process moves along, it will all make a little more sense for those who have managed to continue reading to this point. I'm so anxious now to find out who will join our family: boy or girl? how old? who will they be?

Vacation (yippee!)

As of Saturday morning at about 4 am, I am officially on vacation for the next 10 days. I love that feeling, knowing that when I get up tomorrow morning, I don't have to go anywhere. And it's the same for the next day, and the next day, and the next...
Lately, around here, it has been quite hot. I think it was 96 today and 99 yesterday. Summer has long been my most unfavorite season, which is why we chose to go to Canada for our honeymoon. When the hot weather rolls around, you will never find me outside, driving around in a convertible or on a beach, my arms suntanned and my hair blowing in the breeze. Nope, once the humidity kicks in and the temperature begins to rise, I go into air conditioning hibernation. And there I will stay until the thermometer reads a more healthy low 80's or below. So, even though I am on vacation, I will be spending much of it indoors. And that's fine by me.
This week, Russ and I will be traveling west to see my best friend, Kris. Kris used to live here and then moved out west last summer. So, after a year, a visit is in order. And, we will be hanging out at Oregon Trail Days, but I'm not sure what that consists of. I've been told there are beer gardens involved, so we'll be there! The bigger part of it is, seeing my good friend Kris. I'm happy that our friendship has maintained the long distance. In fact, I think I talk with her more now than when she lived here. Still, it is better to hang out in person at least sometimes.
On the way out west, we may be stopping at Russ' parents for a visit as well. They actually just bought a house and will be moving around the first week of August. I think there was a little concern on their children's parts when they first sold their home, as they didn't have a home to move into at that point. But they quickly found a house and will be able to move in by the time they close on their old one. It's actually a home they looked at 3 years ago and really liked, but someone else bought it instead. Now the someones are moving and my lucky in-laws got it. How's that for timing? Here is a picture:

I don't know if it comes with the Christmas lights still on it, but either way, it looks really cute and I'm happy they have found a new place to call their own.
Well, after all these ramblings, we're off to get some ice cream. It means leaving the house, but it's almost nine o'clock in the evening and I'm sure it's much cooler out by now, so we'll be ok.

First

I started this because there is much that I want to say, but my hand goes into a cramp if I try to write all the details. So, instead, it will be here. Here, where I can add pictures, and talk too much, and give more detail to life. Hopefully, this could become something that others can share in as we move through this journey of family.
Russ and I will be married 3 years in October. It's been great. Really! It's so weird to think that, so many years ago when I met him, that I would ever come to know him so well. He's a great guy, my soul mate, really. I think God whispered to me once a long time ago that he was the one, and then we proceeded to wait seven more years before actually tying the knot. Ok, so it was due to circumstances, but that's another story.
Since the beginning of time, well, maybe just the past three years, people have been asking us when we are going to have kids. It's a rite of passage, really. When you are single, you are bugged about who you are dating. When you're dating, you are pestered about when you are getting married. And when you are married, you are harassed about when you will start having kids. Who are these people who have the liberty to ask so many questions?! Does it ever end? Will I someday be hounded about when I'm going to die?
Well, now I have the answer! Mostly. At least a plan is in place. This one has very promising results, so I can tell people that we are adopting. That is how we are starting our family. Russ and I have decided to adopt a child from China, our first child. I am so excited about this prospect, and yet, I'm afraid to really get my hopes up too much in case something devastating happens. You never know. Mostly, I think I just don't want to dream and wish and hope and then... be very disappointed. But how can that be? Perhaps I will someday look back at this time and know I didn't know what I was getting myself into at all. But in a good way.
We initially chose China because we qualified for their program, it was (is) a stable program, and we have a definite interest in Asian culture. I so want to be able to teach my son or daughter about their heritage. I hope I can do it well and not give a poor example. Russ and I are already trying to learn some Mandarin. I can only imagine how we must have sounded listening to the tapes in the car on our way back from Missouri recently and shouting phrases out without much idea if we were pronouncing anything correctly. I know there is so much that I don't know anyway, and I wonder how much I will be able to teach our child and what to give. We started out on track with picturing a little Chinese girl, but I think at this point we are opening ourselves up to more. With my medical background, I have an understanding of some medically correctible special needs a child might have. I guess I don't feel the need to push for a "healthy" child when there are other kids waiting who also need homes and who have conditions that some parents would not want. What child who is being adopted internationally isn't "special needs"?
I am so excited about this prospect. Russ and I have pre-applied with two agencies who will have new groups coming out this summer. We are hoping for either a girl or a boy, it doesn't matter. If we get a referrral, in other words, if we want to pursue the adoption of a particular child, we will send our dossier to be logged in in China, and wait for their acceptance of us as parents. Hopefully, we will be deemed Ok. If we are, we wait until we are approved to travel and then we make arrangements to go! The process is approximately 6-8 months after the match is made. We could be going to China early next year! Maybe. OK, here's me still not getting my hopes up. But, I am still dreaming about who this little person will be, and meeting them for the first time. That's something to get excited about.
Our neighbors have been shooting fireworks most of the afternoon. Fortunately, our beagle, Owen, doesn't seem to notice. It will be his first 4th of July, and I didn't want to have to put him on sedatives. To close, I will add a picture of him in his cuteness.