We are a special needs family

I've had a lot of people approach me asking how things are going with our adoption. Truthfully, things have changed so much since the beginning of our process that I can't remember who I've told what. So, I thought I would outline what it is we are doing, just so we're all on the same page.

February: We decide on the 2nd to forego further infertility treatments (which is for another post entirely) and choose adoption, which is something we had been considering for a while. Ok, I had been planning it for somewhere in the future for many years, but Russ and I had been having discussions for a couple of months by this time. We interviewed 4 different agencies to determine who to work with and tried to figure out which type of adoption: domestic or international.

March/April: We officially decide to work with a small agency out of Omaha. We have also decided on international adoption, as we both seem to have more of an interest in the process and the outcome. It all seems like a good fit. We begin our homestudy on March 7th. Contrary to popular belief, a homestudy is more than just a scrutinizing visit to your home from a social worker (that actually comes later). It is a process that involves much paperwork, interviews with a social worker, background checks, oh, and let's not forget the bureaucratic cr*p that comes with every step along the way. (Do I sound bitter? Maybe only a little). Our homestudy process consisted of being fingerprinted and cleared for criminal background checks, employment verification letters, four personal references, letters from our physicians stating our good physical health, copies of our tax returns, our marriage license, our birth certificates, a ten page packet of questions about raising a child from a different ethnic background, a 2-4 page bibliography, four visits with a social worker, and an all-day parenting class. In all, the process took ten weeks. There were parts of the process that could have gone a lot more smoothly (for example, our marriage license needed to be amended because it said we were married the day after we actually were), but we did manage to get it all done.

May: We have our final home visit from the social worker, thereby officially ending our homestudy. This visit was preceded by a flood in our basement (actually twice) that required our carpet to be replaced and our home turned upside down for about a week. While the basement was cleared out and pre-carpeted, we decided to paint the walls for good measure. The day before the visit, my mom and I cleaned for hours (thanks mom!) and we finally got our home looking presentable. The big day came. Our social worker, Diane, arrived and was at our house for a total of an hour and a half. She spent the first hour and twenty minutes seated at our kitchen table, and then quickly toured the house before leaving. That's it. Doesn't she know how much work we put into preparing our home for this very visit?! Oh well, the homestudy is done and typed up and sent to our agency. A week later, we meet with a representative from our agency to discuss the next step: the preparation of our dossier. The dossier is a collection of documents (some that have already been done through the homestudy) that forms a complete picture of who we are. It is our physical, emotional, historical, and financial picture that will be translated and sent to China to be matched with a baby! We are picturing a girl, 6-18 months old, and healthy. At least, that's what it states in our homestudy. So that is what we hope for.

June: The work on the dossier continues. We file the form I-600A with the Department of Homeland Security to bring an orphan into the United States. We are learning that the process for China is slowing down considerably. We have been notified that the I-600A is only good for 18 months and then it will need to be renewed. We prepare to renew someday in the future since that is the length of time we are facing. It's discouraging, to say the least. I keep trying to find out more information about the process and all I keep finding is that wait times are lengthening but no one knows why. We were disturbed. Clearly, there are many people who are still willing to adopt the girls who are available. The wait (currently) is at 20 months from submission of dossier and it is slowing down. For every girl who is available to be adopted, there is a family who has waited to be matched with her, and many more in line. But what about the children where no one is waiting in line for them? Do we still go to China or choose another country? What do we do?

We decided to stay with China and consider special needs. "Special needs" can be a scary phrase for those who do not know, so I'm going to explain it the best I can. Believe me, I had my own ideas of what special needs meant in the beginning and I wasn't too thrilled about it. There are many different types, but for most children, special needs kids are the ones who are hard to place because of a medical, emotional, or developmental impairment, or if they are older. When looking at some of the medical needs, I realized that I see many of those needs in kids I already care for in my job. Cleft lip and palate, some heart issues requiring surgery, club foot, etc., all was not that abnormal to me. While I don't feel like I can care for a child who is severely emotionally or developmentally delayed, I do feel that, with my medical background, I do know a lot about some of these needs already. And, most of them, to me, are not that big of a deal. After seeing the faces of some of these children, Russ and I decided to look into it more. We learned that, if we had gotten to the point where we submitted our dossier (which we were almost ready to do), it would have been too late to consider a special needs child. Once a dossier is submitted for non-special needs in China, it stays that way. We looked into the process at exactly the right time.

July: So now, here we are. In case there is any question, we are a special needs family. We are no longer pursuing "regular" China, our child will come with some sort of medical handicap that we will help correct. We desire to give them a loving family, just as any child deserves. Hopefully, we will find them soon. We have applied with two agencies who specialize in this type of adoption. Our agency out of Omaha will send them our completed paperwork when we are matched with a child. We actually still need our agency in Omaha because they are local, whereas the other two are located in Texas and Utah. There needs to be a local agency to conduct follow up visits and be available for questions, paperwork, etc. Each of the special needs agencies will receive a group of available children every three months or so. Becuase we have pre applied, we have access to view the profiles of the children from a secure site. If there is a child we are interested in learning more about, we put our name in for them, and after a certain period of time, the agency decides if we (or another family if there is more interest) are chosen for that child. If we are, we begin the process of adopting that child. Our agencies currently have new groups coming out in July and August. At that time, we will see what becomes of all of this.

So, I probably could have shortened this whole description of everything, but that is where we are. Hopefully, as the process moves along, it will all make a little more sense for those who have managed to continue reading to this point. I'm so anxious now to find out who will join our family: boy or girl? how old? who will they be?