A Month in a Nutshell

It's been so busy this past month that I haven't had time to write anything. There isn't anything new to post on the adoption front because it's been the same story: we wait. We've had so much to do lately. I wouldn't say we haven't noticed that Caleb isn't here, but it all sure has made the wait go by more quickly. So, here is our last month in pictures:


The first part of December, we took our pickup truck to a local Christmas tree farm. It's an annual event, although the location of where the tree comes from usually changes every year. The weather of the day also pretty much changes every year, and this year it was sleet. It wasn't too bad, though. We got it home, set it up, and had it decorated by evening. Owen found it all very interesting.

We got a lot of snow this month, too. Pretty much every Saturday in the month of December brought a new layer. I had to take this picture of our driveway on one of the big days.

We managed to send a package to Wu, but I don't think it arrived in time for Christmas. Among the gifts we sent were a stuffed beagle and a onesie pictured here. We also sent candy for his caregivers, pictures of ourselves, our family, and Owen; toy cars; some clothes; and couple of disposable cameras. There is a small company that will send care packages to children in China who are awaiting families. Since we do not know the exact address of where Caleb Wu is, we can send it through this company who will get it to his foster family. We included in the package a letter requesting the family take some pictures of him with the disposable cameras so we can have them when we come to get him. And, the photo album we sent all had (translated) captions of each person, so hopefully he will at least see what his parents are going to look like.


Russ and I participated in a live nativity in front of our church for a couple of days before Christmas. One day, we were Joseph and Mary. It actually was a neat thing because, instead of camels and Magi and shepherds around us, we had every day people standing there (a Chrismas shopper, a single mom with kids, a homeless person, a student, etc). There is a lot of traffic during the 5 o'clock hour in front of our church. The goal was for people to see themselves somewhere in the mix of people looking at the Christ child, or maybe wonder where there would fit into it. It was kind of cool.

Our family threw a toddler shower for us and we received a lot of toys and clothes for Caleb Wu. It is now sitting here waiting for him, to be worn and played with.

And, we've been celebrating Christmas for the past two days. One of our favorite gifts was for Caleb that my brother-in-law made for us. This little shirt that says Made in China. We did receive so many nice things and it was a great couple of days. We are thankful for the blessings of family at Christmas and the hope of a new family for ourselves one day, too.
Merry Christmas!

Are we there yet?

Why is it that we seem to spend all of our lives trying to be somewhere else? Why be in such a huge rush to get to the next destination? I am so guilty of this. I always want to be ahead of where I am instead of enjoying the process. I am asked, frequently, about what I know or what news we have of Wu. At this point, the answer is, I don't know. And that will be the answer for a long time to come. And some days, it's OK, other days, not at all. I had been really looking forward to the holiday season because, typically, it passes very quickly because of busyness. But really, Thanksgiving was hard. The food was great, and it was a nice day, but something was missing. It was our boy. He was not there. And it hit me very hard that day.
But here's a question: instead of focusing only on what is missing, am I really just enjoying what time I have left before I become a parent? I'm free to sleep in or go to bed as late as I want with only my own consequences. I can go out, see movies, and watch whatever I want on TV (when Russ isn't around) instead of having to find a sitter, go to only G movies, or spend all my time watching The Wiggles. And, it's not every day, or year, or whatever, that I find myself planning an upcoming trip to China. It's pretty cool to think about.
I'm saying this because some days are really hard. Many people are so supportive, but they all want answers. Hey, I do, too, but I don't have any. We've been DTC since November 8th. I'm not anticipating hearing anything soon, and that's OK. One day, the mail will come and the answer will be there. We'll just be asking "are we there yet?" many more times in the mean time.
So, here's to enjoying the ride while we wait. We've been pretty busy with other stuff (hence the lack of a blog entry for about 3 weeks). Our Thanksgiving was pretty good and we are still finishing leftovers. My dog has recovered from a recent bout of kennel cough which had him on antibiotics and cough suppressants for 10 days. Our nursery is painted and the crib is here, although it has not been set up.
This weekend, depending on the weather, we will probably get our Christmas tree and try to put up some decorations. I think maybe we should have done some of this when it was 55 degrees instead of 33 and snowing like it is forecasted for Saturday. Maybe it will just mean building a fire, drinking eggnog, and breaking out my John Denver and the Muppets Christmas CD. I think that's a pretty good way to spend my time, too.

DTC!!

I just came back from an appointment with a physical therapist. Actually, it was my last. Six weeks ago, I started going because of back pain that had been reoccurring. I was told it was a combination of my poor posture (which I knew) and stress (which I was in denial of). So, after several weeks of remembering to sit up straight and do my prescribed exercises, I'm feeling a lot better. Then, today when I was leaving, I also realized something else: I'm not as stressed. Six weeks ago, I was struggling through this new job and our adoption paperwork seemed at a stand still. But some of that has changed. For instance, I'm accepting my new job a little more. I'm getting used to it. Sometimes, people at work will talk to me now. I think it helped because I gave flu shots to the staff. You would think that using a needle on 40 people that I work with would make them like me less. But it actually gave me a chance to meet some new people and for them to meet me. "Hi. I'm the new nurse here. My name is Meg. And here is a poke in your arm." Or something like that. Overall, I have cut back on several hours of work per week. I always thought I would work full time until I had kids and then work less. But I'm finding that it's actually OK to work less anyway. It's that whole stress thing, I guess.
Another cause for excitement is that we finally sent our paperwork to China! It is on it's way as we speak! This is the point where we would say we are "DTC" which stands for "Dossier to China". There were quite a few days where we didn't think it would happen. On Monday morning, Russ called our agency to verify that everything was ready to go, because we knew they would be sending the next batch of dossiers this week. We knew our paperwork had been certified, authenticated, and was sitting at the agency being reviewed. Our fees were paid. Our homestudy was done and we had completed the educational aspect. Instead of finding out that everything was ready to be sent, we were told that, no, we were still missing some documents. How could this be?! I thought we had sent them every last copy of anything we could possibly have. I was beginning to wonder if they wouldn't also want a copy of my 5th grade science award certificate and a urine sample. No, they actually were missing "supportive documentation from our homestudy". In other words, the agency who did our homestudy sent them a copy of the write up and nothing else. We had two days to gather everything. Russ took Tuesday off work, and by that evening, everything was being Fedex'd overnight to our Texas agency. Finally, we received word from the agency that our paperwork was on it's way to China with everyone else's. Thank you, God.
I know everyone has a different opinion about this whole thing. For some, they complain about how long it is taking, and I know it is long. For others, they are wowed by how fast it is all going, and I can see that as well. The truth is, some days, it feels like forever. And others, I'm very grateful that it is so much shorter that our original thought. And every day, I'm thankful that we keep going and there is a little guy on the other side of the world waiting for us and we'll be meeting him soon.

Closer yet

It's four o'clock in the afternoon and my dog is sitting expectantly in front of the door. It's still a little bit early, but soon we will start getting our trick-or-treaters, and then he'll have some fun. Actually, this is his first Halloween, so I don't think he really knows what's coming tonight. He's going to be so excited to see everyone come to the door. Sometimes, I think I sound like a parent when I talk about my dog. He's the only child that I really have at this point in time, although, our paperwork for Caleb is coming along. Last week, we took all of our documents that we have been gathering for the last seven months and went to the office of the Secretary of State at the capitol building. Here's a side note: has anyone been to the capitol building recently, or at least since the 3rd grade? It's amazingly spooky and dark in there. The halls are very dim and everything echoes. All the doors are closed and, from the outside, look like any number of entrances to some other realm beyond. And then, you open a door and it is totally different on the inside: big and bright, cheery, even. Anyway, I went to the office of the Secretary of State and had all of our documents certified. They were then sent to Washington DC to the Chinese consulate to be authenticated. I took them to our local Fedex drop-off point and, let me tell you, it was difficult to see our envelope of all of our work over the past several months, now certified, being placed on a pile of other packages that were being sent, too. I watched the man put it there, and then I had to leave them at the store. All of our work. I was so worried, after everything we'd done! I never imagined I would be so nervous about it. But, it arrived in DC and was supposed to be completed and sent on to our agency today. Hopefully, it will all be mailed out November 9th, and then we can get started waiting for the next thing. Eventually, the next thing will actually be going to China, but unfortunately we are not there just yet. But, we're closer.....

What's happening?

I've had quite a few people approach me with this same question: "so...have you heard anything about your adoption yet?" I know that it is very well meaning, and people are excited, and I truly appreciate that. Most of the time, though, I have to answer, "Nope! Not yet!" with a smile on my face, like it isn't bothering me at all. I tend to tell people that we are still "just waiting" as if absolutely nothing is happening with it. The truth is, there is plenty happening, it just isn't in the form of new video footage, updates, and pictures that everyone expects.
First of all, we bought a crib. We've been looking for cribs and attempting to educate ourselves in this area. You would think that being a pediatric/nursery nurse for almost 8 years might have given me a clue, but it isn't true, so some research has been involved. Also, not knowing exactly how old Caleb will be when he comes home makes things a little more tricky. Will he be sleeping in a crib? Will he be ready to move to a toddler bed within a month of arrival? And who knows...if this whole thing keeps going, he could be a 5 year old by the time he finally gets here. We decided to go with a 3-in-1 crib: it's a crib, or it's a toddler bed, or it's a full size bed, all in one. After all of the looking, pricing, and negotiating, believe me when I tell you that he will have this bed for life. It's not just a crib, it's an investment. I expect Caleb to sleep in this bed the entire time that he lives under our roof, take a short break from it when he goes off to college, and then come back for it to move it into his first apartment. That's how long this bed is going to be around. And, we really do like it, too, so that's a good thing.
I've posted a picture of the model that we bought.


Another major thing that has happened is that we have officially heard back from China about our initial set of paperwork. This is our pre-approval (PA), which came 2 weeks ago. It is the go-ahead for the sending of our dossier. It is a very exciting step for us! As of this writing, we are very much hoping to send our dossier soon. We actually would have sent it already if we could have, but there has been some delays with paperwork. Apparently, some pertinent information had not been turned in when we completed our homestudy in May. So, we have been really trying to work with our agencies about getting all of the necessary stuff completed. At the risk of sounding negative, let me just say that it has been so time consuming/complicated/fist-clenchingly frustrating that it may have been easier to just redo the whole thing. I haven't wanted to go into all of the details in order to try and stay positive about the whole thing, but I can say that it is finally done (I think).

So, I really can say that stuff has been happening. I know it isn't the most exciting information, but it is part of the process. A pregnancy certainly cannot be so exciting every day either, so I don't feel bad at all. And as far as my complaints about the paperwork process go, I still wouldn't trade it for weight gain, morning sickness, backaches, etc., any day.

Happy Anniversary!

Three years ago today, I said "I do" to the man of my dreams. A house, a pending adoption, and a beagle later...we're still around. Russ and I actually got engaged on a trip to Boston, at a restaurant called Five North Square. Our engagement period was six months long, and the last three were some of the most stressful to me ever. Not because of wedding planning or anything. It was more things like: moving, cockroaches, a broken wrist, surgery, another surgery, a car accident, etc. I actually recall breaking down into tears once after a Sunday school class when someone casually asked me how I was. Little did they know!
Our wedding day was wonderful. It was a very happy time for us. We took our honeymoon in Banff, Canada, and it's been happily ever after ever since. Sometimes, when I feel like this whole adoption thing is going to be the end of my sanity, I think back to another time when I was so stressed--a little more than three years ago. But after our wedding day, all of the troubles of the engagement period were forgotten. And so I'm hoping it will be the same with this. Here's to adding on to our family...and forgetting all the stress and junk to get there.
Happy Anniversary!

Somewhere, inside, I'm still a nurse

I'm really struggling with this new job. I don't think I ever appreciated how organized the hospital that I've been working at has been. I say this because I'm actually shocked at the level of disorganization that I face almost daily at my new job, from the human resources level. Human resources should mean that they work with humans, ie., me. I frequently speak on the phone with someone from their office in order to try and clear up something else that isn't working. For instance, getting paid. Yet, it doesn't seem like they know how to deal with humans because they seem to treat me like I don't really exist at all. It is very easy to be passed along to 3 or 4 more people until you reach someone who knows what you are even talking about and who can assist you. Maybe this is just the real world of working during the day and I just have to deal with it. Fine.

My other issue about this job is that I didn't get a heck of a lot of orientation. So I spend much of my time trying to figure out what it is that I should be doing, asking a lot of basic questions, and making phone calls. When I started, I was sort of put on my own with instructions to "just call if you need anything!" but I'm not really sure what I need. This I keep finding out along the way. I'm pretty sure most people do not go through life just knowing, off hand, how to do an MDT, an SAP, and put those in the student's IHP. Somewhere, I've missed out on all of this and I'm learning as I go, and most days I feel, not like a nurse, but just some dummy who is in the office for the day. I try to remind myself that, no, I'm actually a nurse. I try to remember some of the things I was able to do for a living at my last job: save lives, fly in helicopters, witness a new life being born, etc. I'm really not so dumb as I am probably coming across, and I would like to shout it out to the people I work with, or at least send a memo about it.

This past weekend, we were able to spend time with our good friends, Greg and Carmen. G & C came to visit us because they had a weekend off and they don't actually live in our town. We went to Red Robin (yum) and I had my usual Royal Burger: basically one of their burgers with bacon and cheese, but they also put a fried egg on it. As I said, yum. I've tried to make this on my own at home, but it isn't the same. They also brought the home game of Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader? I figured out after playing that, I'm not. I missed a lot of questions! Although, I was feeling good about answering what kind of a baby has a horse for a mother and a zebra for a father? Answer: a zorse. (Unlike a hebra, which was my 2nd choice). Anyway, it was fun, and you know, the good friend thing. Could my trouble at work have anything to do with not being smarter than a 5th grader? I wonder if they are related. Somehow, I doubt it.

Happy Birthday to Wu

Saturday, the first day of Labor Day weekend. And it's September! That might imply some upcoming cooler weather, but it's supposed to be 90 all weekend. Our house projects are continuing to keep us busy, and we seem to be taking on more than we are finishing. So, this will really be a laboring weekend because we have so much work to do. In fact, while I'm still sitting here typing this in my pajamas, Russ is outside moving concrete from our front step.
Thursday was our little guy's birthday. He's one! In celebration, we went out for Chinese food and had birthday cake and ice cream. I think I actually felt a little sad, because he's not here with us. Most kids have a first birthday party with their parents and it is, many times, a big deal. So it seemed a little abnormal to being having the party without the kid. Ok, but what part of all of this has been normal?

Last Thursday, some of my co-workers threw me a "toddler" shower. It was so sweet! I really was overwhelmed by their generosity toward us, and, like us, acting on faith that this little boy will someday come and be part of our family. So now, we have a lot of toys, clothes, and books waiting for him. I had to take a picture of some of my favorite things that we received. Russ and I also bought him something for his birthday, although we are not allowed to send it until after our dossier has been sent to China. We bought him a little stuffed beagle, which we can hopefully send soon. I hope he likes it--and then when he comes home he can meet the real thing!
We have also decided on a name! We've actually been asked about this numerous times. It is only second to "so, have you found out when you are getting him?" Well, at least I can have an answer to the first question. His name is going to be Caleb Wu Lee Brannagan. Caleb means "bold" and he is named after the Caleb of the Bible, who remained faithful to God. And while we had always been planning to use a Chinese middle name, it wasn't always going to be Wu. But we kept it because, hey, that's all we've been calling him these past weeks. We couldn't let it go. "Lee" is the middle name of Russ, his dad, and my dad, and we like it, so we had to use it. So that's the official name, and now I just have to get used to calling him something else while we wait.
So, Caleb, happy birthday, buddy.

A new lip!

I'm so excited because we have been continuing to receive good news about Wu and our process continues to move ahead. First, we received notice from the Department of Homeland Security that we passed our fingerprint requirements and they've accepted our petition. So, we really aren't felons who are trying to bring an infant into the U.S.! Secondly, just today our agency notified us that our letter of intent (LOI) is on it's way to Beijing and we can track it through DHL. We are now on our way to completing our dossier paperwork so it can hopefully be sent as soon as we hear back about our LOI (fingers crossed). But, the biggest and most exciting news (well, to us anyway) is that yesterday we received an email with updated pictures of Wu! He so big! And, his lip has been fixed! I was very surprised. First off, we weren't really expecting anymore pictures of him at all, let alone so soon. And, we were arranging for him to have his first surgery on his lip when we brought him home. But it has been done now! I'm thrilled, and I think they did a great job, too! So, our boy is growing and changing, and in 9 days he will turn one. Kind of weird to think that I have a one year old out there.

Moving Foward Full Force

I can't really say what I've been doing for the past two weeks because there has been so much that I've almost been overwhelmed. To be brief: processing an adoption, starting a new job while still working at the old one, and house projects.
The next step toward Wu has been completed. Actually, there have been two steps. We went to our local Department of Homeland Security about 10 days ago to be fingerprinted so we can be deemed acceptable to bring an orphan into the country. I may have mentioned that we filed this petition in May and have been waiting for our fingerprint appointment for several weeks. Fortunately, the waiting part was pre-Wu, so we were able to get it done first. If we were trying to file/get fingerprinted now, the process would have set us back a couple of months more. We also sent our first set of paperwork to the agency to be translated before being sent on to China. This included our Letter of Intent (LOI) as well as some other documents. When it is sent to China, our agency will Fedex it, so we can track it's arrival. At that point, we wait to hear back from them so we can move on to the next step, which is...more paperwork. Does this sound repetitive? That's what a lot of it is about, though. Hopefully, we will hear back about our LOI in less than a month.
I started orientation for my new job last week. It's been a lot of policy review and learning the computer system. If I can remember a lot of this stuff and give myself time to adjust, I think I will really like it. The only part that made me nervous was this: my orientation class was for all new healthcare staff, not just nurses. In fact, I was the only one who was an RN and going to be a school nurse. Everyone else in the class was a technician or a subsititute. I'm not knocking the work that they do. But during the class, it was repeatedly stressed to everyone that if they get into any kind of situation where they don't know what to do (angry parent, someone bleeding profusely, a drunk student, etc) they should just call the nurse. It was said, again and again, call the nurse. The nurse will know what to do. She will fix it. I finally raised my hand and pointed out that I was the nurse. What do I do? I am a little nervous about being in charge of something that I currently don't know much about. I guess I will just have to learn.
Through all of this we have also been working on home projects. It's not like we really even have time for this, but we do it anyway because we are crazy. A couple of weekends ago, we decided to paint the exterior of our house. A very good idea, since it has been a dull brown for two years (and most likely, much longer than that). And, last weekend, we helped my in-laws move into their lovely new home. It was quite a job.
There were many knicknacks involved. Oh, and did I mention they like lawn ornaments?

In all, we got through it and we got some beer and pizza out of the deal. Isn't that what families are for? We were still happy and tired at the end of the day.

Our son!

The answer was yes!
I can't believe it, we finally got the news and it is good! Wednesday, our agency called to tell us that we have been matched with a little boy that we petitioned for. When they called and verified who we were, their first words were, "I'm calling to tell you that you have a son." A son! Us! It's still a bit surreal right now.
We had put a petition in on Monday, knowing that there were probably other families also petitioning at the same time. On Wednesday, our agency's placement team had to make a decision for each child that received a petition from a potential family. We did put in for both a boy and a girl, knowing that we would only be matched with one, if we were matched at all. As I've probably said, I seriously believed that we would not be matched at all, and I was waiting all day for the phone call. They didn't call until 5:30. I pretty much didn't leave the house that day, simply because I didn't want to take the chance that I would miss the call. No matter that they also had both of our cell numbers and my work number in case we weren't home. But I wasn't willing to risk it. By the time 5:25pm had rolled around, Russ was home from work, I had cabin fever from being inside all day, and both of us thought we had been forgotten. After all, it was almost 5:30pm and we figured their office had closed. We were prepared for the answer to be no, but not prepared to wait in limbo with no answer at all! Maybe they lost our paperwork? Maybe they forgot to call because they were too busy with other ecstatic parents and we were swept under the rug? Who knows. It was a long afternoon until the phone finally rang.
We have been matched--or, approved to adopt--a little boy in China named Wu. He was abandoned right after birth and has been living in foster care ever since. He is almost 11 months old, and he has a cleft lip and palate. We have already spoken with a pediatrician about a plan of care for treatment of it, and, while there can be alot of potential work to be done, it's not that big of a deal. I'm going to be a proud parent for a moment here and say, he is adorable! I don't even see the cleft when I look at his picture because I know that he is ours and that is all that matters. I can't wait to pick him up and bring him home. That is the next question: we don't know when it will be. We are hoping maybe a couple of months, but again, there is the paperwork factor. We will be sending our dossier to China after we have our fingerprint appointment in August. With this is also a letter of intent (LOI) that states we would be happy to adopt Wu and what we plan to do to care for him. We then wait until they tell us we can go and pick him up, which usually takes a little while. This is all in a nutshell, of course. I suppose I will find out more details as this progresses. I'm actually ok with waiting a little bit because we have nothing for him right now. Our "nursery" has sat empty for two years, and not even painted since we've moved in. Without knowing who or what we would end up with for a family, I didn't buy anything. Crib or toddler bed? Diapers or pull-ups? Pink or blue? I guess I also didn't want the room to be completed and then sit there empty for two years. That would be enough to drive me into a depression for sure.
But now we know. Our little Wu will soon be here (with a new name as well). I'm so excited! I will post pictures after we have been officially approved from China.

Excitement and possible hope?

I got the job.
They called me yesterday to offer it to me and I said yes. It's this whole surreal feeling right now since it has only been one day. I will surely get used to it over time. I'm excited because it is a new opportunity and a lot of flexibility that I haven't had. While I have enjoyed a lot of my work at the hospital, I've been feeling terribly burned out. I have chosen to stay on there as a supplemental position, working only a few hours a month, though. I'm not quite ready to close the door all the way. I am excited about this new job because I still get to work with kids--I've even been placed at two elementary schools, which is what I wanted. I don't think the work will be as intense as I've been experiencing, and the hours are fantastic. Bear with me while I dream for just a moment....
I will be able to get up in the morning and not have to worry about sleeping late because I have to stay up all night. I am a morning person anyway, yet most mornings right now are slept through. I will be awake. I will have coffee and breakfast and go to work. I will come home in the afternoon and be available to do stuff in the evenings. If someone wants to meet us for dinner, I can go! That is, if I don't already have other social activities going that evening. I can eat dinner with Russ most nights. I can look forward to Fridays, and have every weekend off. I can go to church on Sundays. I get holidays off. Holidays! I always work holidays!
I'm not trying to gloat. I'm just terribly excited. Since becoming a nurse, I've never had a normal schedule. I've missed out on roughly 50% of evening activities, and one never knows if I will make it to Christmas or Thanksgiving dinners. It's been like this for almost eight years now. I feel like I've done my time. I will relish that for just a little while and then move on.
Today is actually a tense day because we are waiting to find out about our adoption petitions. I thought I would be doing this yesterday. On Monday, I had posted that we would be finding out the results of our potential match on Tuesday. Well, Monday night we received an email saying that the agency's placement team had to postpone their meeting for one more day, now Wednesday. They are hopefully meeting as we speak. They are calling those who didn't get matched first, so I'm hoping for a later call. But, what is later? I have no idea how long the meeting will go. It's 11:40 am. If they call me at 1:30 is that good or bad?
I can do nothing about it, as we've done absolutely everything possible. It's in God's hands now. I secretly feel like the answer will be no, but that's because the answer has always been no. After two years of trying to start a family, numerous pregnancy tests, infertility treatments, and month after month of waiting, we've never had a yes. I don't know what that feels like. Maybe I feel like it will be no because it's almost impossible for me to imagine them saying yes. So, that's all I know now. I'm waiting for the phone call. I will post again what the answer is.

What's going on

Well, the job interview on Friday went very well. At least, I think it did. I actually knew (and liked!) the person who was interviewing me, as she was someone who I had worked with during one of my clinicals in nursing school. She was easy to talk to. The job sounds very flexible, and the hours are great (good to think about since I just got done working 12 hour shifts all weekend). I came away from it very excited and hopeful. They are supposed to notify me by Wednesday, so I only have two more days not to think and stew about it.
The other big thing that is going on with us this week is that we have turned in two petitions to adopt. The agency that we are working with has received a group of profiles of children waiting for families. If we are interested in pursuing the adoption of any of these children, we file a petition to adopt. Both of these children are special needs, so part of this petition is outlining our plan of treatment for the child, our resources, and just generally why we are good people. Then, there is a placement team that will decide if we will be matched or not. The team reviews the profiles of prospective adoptive parents to make a decision. This is particularly necessary when there is more than one familiy petitioning for the same child. So, that's where we are at. I can't really give any information about the children right now because it's too early. We did petition to adopt two, because there are two we are equally interested in (a girl and a boy), but we would only be matched with one.
So, please keep your fingers crossed and/or pray that this could work out for us! We will find out tomorrow--so one more day of further not thinking or stewing is involved.

Stuff

It's already Thursday, and I'm just getting around to posting what we've done for the past week. There's been quite a few things going on.
First, I have a job interview tomorrow! I don't know if that is an exclamation of happiness or nervousness. Probably a little of both. It's a school nurse position, which I don't really have much experience with. We did do some work in the schools when I was still in nursing school, but my current work is pretty much nothing like this potential job. So, I have spent the afternoon preparing myself for the interview questions and trying to find some type of bridge between what I do now and why that means I could be a school nurse. Nursing has become so specialized that it isn't a matter of just switching jobs--heck, I haven't cared for an adult patient in years. While I probably haven't forgotten everything, there is still alot about me that isn't qualified to just jump into a new position. At least, not without some training. Anyway, I'm very excited about this prospect, and I'm nervous because I haven't been to an interview in five years. I definitely need some practice. Maybe a role play is in order....
The only thing about this that maybe doesn't make sense is that I don't know how this works with our adoption. I know I have stressed about this part more than a little. I just don't want to start a new job and then take three months off right away for family leave. Somehow, that doesn't seem quite right. And yet, there still isn't a child in the picture (yet--I'll get to that in a minute) so I can't say for sure what will happen. How can I base my decisions on something I don't even know yet? Right? So, the answer: go to the interview.
As far as the adoption is concerned, we have made a little progress this week. When we came home from our vacation, there was a letter in the mail from the Department of Homeland Security. Even though receiving such a letter sounds a little unnerving, we were very excited. You see, part of the process of international adoption is applying to bring an orphan into the U.S. This is handled by the Department of Homeland Security. We filed this form in May, hoping it would be a short process. This is one area that has the potential to delay the whole adoption process because it is unkown how long it will take to attend to our application. Wait a minute, I've just described every action we've tried during this entire adoption process! Delays! It's one of the only guarantees we are given during this. Ok, anyway, we applied for this deal in May and the form is the I-600A. After sending it in (along with a check and a receipt to track the process through FedEx) we wait until they notify us to come in to be fingerprinted for a background check. When notified of the fingerprint appointment, it is best to take it, no matter when it is. Who knows when there could be another. You don't want to provoke the Department of Homeland Security by calling and trying to reschedule around something else, say for instance, your job. You work it out. So, our fingerprint appointment is for early August and we will be there. After that, we wait for the follow up approval form (the I-171H) which will be sent on to China. We really didn't know how long this would take, so we are excited to be able to continue this part. It's a pretty big step for us right now.
On another note, we spent last weekend out west visiting my good friend Kris, and we stayed with her family. Her parents are some of the most hospitable people I've known. They treated us like family--or maybe even better at times. They were great to be around. I like to visit her hometown and go to the usual spots. And, this particular weekend, there was Oregon Trail Days in town, so we were able to eat, drink, and have fun. We even went to the midway one night, but I didn't get any pictures of Russ on the carnival rides.

We attended the international food festival, where there were many different choices of entrees. After sorting through our options of Chinese, Mexican, Mediterranean, or turkey legs, we decided on German brats. This isn't mine, though, I don't go for the saurkraut.

We did hit one of the beer gardens, this one located at the Union Bar, or the west side of the establishment, appropriately called the Western Union. It was a good time to hang out with Kris and just catch up on everything that's been going on.

The diner where we had breakfast Saturday morning. Apparently, the owners are racing fans. You can actually go in and order "the usual" and they know what you are talking about! (Ok, so not for someone like me, a visitor, but you know what I mean). I tend to think it is one of the simple pleasures of small town life.

The enigma of the Beagle

From the time I started attending First Baptist church in 1998 to about 2003, our pastor there was Pastor Lee. Pastor Lee had many fine qualities: he was devoted to God, an excellent teacher, a top-notch preacher, and a great friend. He had previous teaching experience at the college level, and had traveled quite extensively. He was, in other words, a wise man. There was something about him though, at the time, that I never quite understood. He owned beagles. His family had one beagle (who later met an untimely death) who was then replaced with another beagle. The subject of these dogs would occasionally come up during a sermon, and frequently in conversations. "Our beagle did the cutest thing...." or "Our beagle learned this fabulous new trick..." etc, etc, ad nauseum. I didn't get it. We had owned a dog when I was growing up. I considered myself to be dog lover, even. While, at the time, I didn't actually own a dog, I considered it to be something in my future, similar to picturing myself having kids one day. What is such a big deal about a beagle?
Then, the day came when I, too, officially became a beagle owner. I remember it: December 23, 2006. I worked a 12 hour shift at the hospital and came home to spend the evening with Russ. We had decided to open our Christmas gifts that evening, since we knew the next couple of days would be very busy with family. For Russ, I had carefully selected a new, sturdy pair of work boots for him to wear on the job, as well as a DVD called We Built This City: New York for the city planner in him that he had been seriously hinting about. He oohed and ahhed over his gifts, seemingly very pleased. I couldn't wait to open mine. He handed me a small box that I quickly tore open to find....a hand mixer for the kitchen. Wow. Yes, I had said that I wanted one, but seriously? Is this what we had come to, only married for a little over two years and I was already receiving appliances as a gift?
Oh, wait, he said. There is one more gift downstairs. He ran down and came up with a large Christmas tote. When I opened it, inside was Owen: a furry thing who was all of six weeks staring back at me. I couldn't believe it! A dog? I'm getting a dog? I know I had mentioned it in the past, but, he remembered!
But, I didn't just get a dog. I got a beagle. I realize now that there is a distinct difference. Now, I know for all lab owners or mutt lovers, their dog is actually smarter, better personality, whatever you come up with. To each his own. (I actually do love almost all kinds of dogs---it's the cats I can't tolerate). But let me just give a plug for beagles and you can place me in the same category with Pastor Lee. A beagle is a smart dog. I know this. I can never say that Owen is dumb, because I know he is not. He gets things, and he remembers. It's just that he is so willful, he doesn't always do what he is supposed to. Maybe that's the puppy in him. Maybe not. He is gentle with our 2 year old niece and even gentle with certain small stuffed animals because he knows it is necessary. He can also play rough and tumble with the best of dogs. He's a hound whose nose never stops and he can let out a howl that has a hang time of ten seconds. He's fast. He's cute. And on days like today when I am roaming the house doing various cleaning tasks, he stays at my side. He's a great companion.
Perhaps I am only feeling sentimental right now, since Owen is currently staying with my parents while we go out of town. It's only been an hour and I miss him. I can't wait until we pick him up and bring him home again. He's our beagle. And some days, when I feel like this adoption thing can't get any worse and there will never be a child, sometimes, it does feel like he is enough. And right now, he is.

We are a special needs family

I've had a lot of people approach me asking how things are going with our adoption. Truthfully, things have changed so much since the beginning of our process that I can't remember who I've told what. So, I thought I would outline what it is we are doing, just so we're all on the same page.

February: We decide on the 2nd to forego further infertility treatments (which is for another post entirely) and choose adoption, which is something we had been considering for a while. Ok, I had been planning it for somewhere in the future for many years, but Russ and I had been having discussions for a couple of months by this time. We interviewed 4 different agencies to determine who to work with and tried to figure out which type of adoption: domestic or international.

March/April: We officially decide to work with a small agency out of Omaha. We have also decided on international adoption, as we both seem to have more of an interest in the process and the outcome. It all seems like a good fit. We begin our homestudy on March 7th. Contrary to popular belief, a homestudy is more than just a scrutinizing visit to your home from a social worker (that actually comes later). It is a process that involves much paperwork, interviews with a social worker, background checks, oh, and let's not forget the bureaucratic cr*p that comes with every step along the way. (Do I sound bitter? Maybe only a little). Our homestudy process consisted of being fingerprinted and cleared for criminal background checks, employment verification letters, four personal references, letters from our physicians stating our good physical health, copies of our tax returns, our marriage license, our birth certificates, a ten page packet of questions about raising a child from a different ethnic background, a 2-4 page bibliography, four visits with a social worker, and an all-day parenting class. In all, the process took ten weeks. There were parts of the process that could have gone a lot more smoothly (for example, our marriage license needed to be amended because it said we were married the day after we actually were), but we did manage to get it all done.

May: We have our final home visit from the social worker, thereby officially ending our homestudy. This visit was preceded by a flood in our basement (actually twice) that required our carpet to be replaced and our home turned upside down for about a week. While the basement was cleared out and pre-carpeted, we decided to paint the walls for good measure. The day before the visit, my mom and I cleaned for hours (thanks mom!) and we finally got our home looking presentable. The big day came. Our social worker, Diane, arrived and was at our house for a total of an hour and a half. She spent the first hour and twenty minutes seated at our kitchen table, and then quickly toured the house before leaving. That's it. Doesn't she know how much work we put into preparing our home for this very visit?! Oh well, the homestudy is done and typed up and sent to our agency. A week later, we meet with a representative from our agency to discuss the next step: the preparation of our dossier. The dossier is a collection of documents (some that have already been done through the homestudy) that forms a complete picture of who we are. It is our physical, emotional, historical, and financial picture that will be translated and sent to China to be matched with a baby! We are picturing a girl, 6-18 months old, and healthy. At least, that's what it states in our homestudy. So that is what we hope for.

June: The work on the dossier continues. We file the form I-600A with the Department of Homeland Security to bring an orphan into the United States. We are learning that the process for China is slowing down considerably. We have been notified that the I-600A is only good for 18 months and then it will need to be renewed. We prepare to renew someday in the future since that is the length of time we are facing. It's discouraging, to say the least. I keep trying to find out more information about the process and all I keep finding is that wait times are lengthening but no one knows why. We were disturbed. Clearly, there are many people who are still willing to adopt the girls who are available. The wait (currently) is at 20 months from submission of dossier and it is slowing down. For every girl who is available to be adopted, there is a family who has waited to be matched with her, and many more in line. But what about the children where no one is waiting in line for them? Do we still go to China or choose another country? What do we do?

We decided to stay with China and consider special needs. "Special needs" can be a scary phrase for those who do not know, so I'm going to explain it the best I can. Believe me, I had my own ideas of what special needs meant in the beginning and I wasn't too thrilled about it. There are many different types, but for most children, special needs kids are the ones who are hard to place because of a medical, emotional, or developmental impairment, or if they are older. When looking at some of the medical needs, I realized that I see many of those needs in kids I already care for in my job. Cleft lip and palate, some heart issues requiring surgery, club foot, etc., all was not that abnormal to me. While I don't feel like I can care for a child who is severely emotionally or developmentally delayed, I do feel that, with my medical background, I do know a lot about some of these needs already. And, most of them, to me, are not that big of a deal. After seeing the faces of some of these children, Russ and I decided to look into it more. We learned that, if we had gotten to the point where we submitted our dossier (which we were almost ready to do), it would have been too late to consider a special needs child. Once a dossier is submitted for non-special needs in China, it stays that way. We looked into the process at exactly the right time.

July: So now, here we are. In case there is any question, we are a special needs family. We are no longer pursuing "regular" China, our child will come with some sort of medical handicap that we will help correct. We desire to give them a loving family, just as any child deserves. Hopefully, we will find them soon. We have applied with two agencies who specialize in this type of adoption. Our agency out of Omaha will send them our completed paperwork when we are matched with a child. We actually still need our agency in Omaha because they are local, whereas the other two are located in Texas and Utah. There needs to be a local agency to conduct follow up visits and be available for questions, paperwork, etc. Each of the special needs agencies will receive a group of available children every three months or so. Becuase we have pre applied, we have access to view the profiles of the children from a secure site. If there is a child we are interested in learning more about, we put our name in for them, and after a certain period of time, the agency decides if we (or another family if there is more interest) are chosen for that child. If we are, we begin the process of adopting that child. Our agencies currently have new groups coming out in July and August. At that time, we will see what becomes of all of this.

So, I probably could have shortened this whole description of everything, but that is where we are. Hopefully, as the process moves along, it will all make a little more sense for those who have managed to continue reading to this point. I'm so anxious now to find out who will join our family: boy or girl? how old? who will they be?

Vacation (yippee!)

As of Saturday morning at about 4 am, I am officially on vacation for the next 10 days. I love that feeling, knowing that when I get up tomorrow morning, I don't have to go anywhere. And it's the same for the next day, and the next day, and the next...
Lately, around here, it has been quite hot. I think it was 96 today and 99 yesterday. Summer has long been my most unfavorite season, which is why we chose to go to Canada for our honeymoon. When the hot weather rolls around, you will never find me outside, driving around in a convertible or on a beach, my arms suntanned and my hair blowing in the breeze. Nope, once the humidity kicks in and the temperature begins to rise, I go into air conditioning hibernation. And there I will stay until the thermometer reads a more healthy low 80's or below. So, even though I am on vacation, I will be spending much of it indoors. And that's fine by me.
This week, Russ and I will be traveling west to see my best friend, Kris. Kris used to live here and then moved out west last summer. So, after a year, a visit is in order. And, we will be hanging out at Oregon Trail Days, but I'm not sure what that consists of. I've been told there are beer gardens involved, so we'll be there! The bigger part of it is, seeing my good friend Kris. I'm happy that our friendship has maintained the long distance. In fact, I think I talk with her more now than when she lived here. Still, it is better to hang out in person at least sometimes.
On the way out west, we may be stopping at Russ' parents for a visit as well. They actually just bought a house and will be moving around the first week of August. I think there was a little concern on their children's parts when they first sold their home, as they didn't have a home to move into at that point. But they quickly found a house and will be able to move in by the time they close on their old one. It's actually a home they looked at 3 years ago and really liked, but someone else bought it instead. Now the someones are moving and my lucky in-laws got it. How's that for timing? Here is a picture:

I don't know if it comes with the Christmas lights still on it, but either way, it looks really cute and I'm happy they have found a new place to call their own.
Well, after all these ramblings, we're off to get some ice cream. It means leaving the house, but it's almost nine o'clock in the evening and I'm sure it's much cooler out by now, so we'll be ok.

First

I started this because there is much that I want to say, but my hand goes into a cramp if I try to write all the details. So, instead, it will be here. Here, where I can add pictures, and talk too much, and give more detail to life. Hopefully, this could become something that others can share in as we move through this journey of family.
Russ and I will be married 3 years in October. It's been great. Really! It's so weird to think that, so many years ago when I met him, that I would ever come to know him so well. He's a great guy, my soul mate, really. I think God whispered to me once a long time ago that he was the one, and then we proceeded to wait seven more years before actually tying the knot. Ok, so it was due to circumstances, but that's another story.
Since the beginning of time, well, maybe just the past three years, people have been asking us when we are going to have kids. It's a rite of passage, really. When you are single, you are bugged about who you are dating. When you're dating, you are pestered about when you are getting married. And when you are married, you are harassed about when you will start having kids. Who are these people who have the liberty to ask so many questions?! Does it ever end? Will I someday be hounded about when I'm going to die?
Well, now I have the answer! Mostly. At least a plan is in place. This one has very promising results, so I can tell people that we are adopting. That is how we are starting our family. Russ and I have decided to adopt a child from China, our first child. I am so excited about this prospect, and yet, I'm afraid to really get my hopes up too much in case something devastating happens. You never know. Mostly, I think I just don't want to dream and wish and hope and then... be very disappointed. But how can that be? Perhaps I will someday look back at this time and know I didn't know what I was getting myself into at all. But in a good way.
We initially chose China because we qualified for their program, it was (is) a stable program, and we have a definite interest in Asian culture. I so want to be able to teach my son or daughter about their heritage. I hope I can do it well and not give a poor example. Russ and I are already trying to learn some Mandarin. I can only imagine how we must have sounded listening to the tapes in the car on our way back from Missouri recently and shouting phrases out without much idea if we were pronouncing anything correctly. I know there is so much that I don't know anyway, and I wonder how much I will be able to teach our child and what to give. We started out on track with picturing a little Chinese girl, but I think at this point we are opening ourselves up to more. With my medical background, I have an understanding of some medically correctible special needs a child might have. I guess I don't feel the need to push for a "healthy" child when there are other kids waiting who also need homes and who have conditions that some parents would not want. What child who is being adopted internationally isn't "special needs"?
I am so excited about this prospect. Russ and I have pre-applied with two agencies who will have new groups coming out this summer. We are hoping for either a girl or a boy, it doesn't matter. If we get a referrral, in other words, if we want to pursue the adoption of a particular child, we will send our dossier to be logged in in China, and wait for their acceptance of us as parents. Hopefully, we will be deemed Ok. If we are, we wait until we are approved to travel and then we make arrangements to go! The process is approximately 6-8 months after the match is made. We could be going to China early next year! Maybe. OK, here's me still not getting my hopes up. But, I am still dreaming about who this little person will be, and meeting them for the first time. That's something to get excited about.
Our neighbors have been shooting fireworks most of the afternoon. Fortunately, our beagle, Owen, doesn't seem to notice. It will be his first 4th of July, and I didn't want to have to put him on sedatives. To close, I will add a picture of him in his cuteness.